Over-50

Free from Regret: When shoulda, coulda, woulda leave us alone

Yesterday I made an amazing discovery.  For the first time since I was 11, and had lost my self confidence as I entered womanhood, I was free of regret.  Instead, I had the awareness and the confidence to frame a situation as completely positive.

A little after 8 A.M. yesterday I had packed my attache case, including laptop and smartphone, put $50 of gas in the car, and headed from New Haven, Connecticut to Boston. I was in one of those beauty contests - that is, competing against a lot of other qualified people for a full time job with benefits.

The interview went pretty good, I thought.  When I ponied up the $32 for the 1.5 hours in the parking garage and scanned the list of Boston rentals on the Internet, I got the sinking feeling that maybe just maybe relocating to that city, if offered the job, wasn't in my financial self interest. 

The good news is that I was saved by an email.  A long term lucrative assignment for contract work was being offered me.  I called on my trusty smartphone and said yes, yes, yes.  I notified the company in which I had interviewed that I was now available for freelance but not full time work.  We had discussed the freelance possibility.

Halfway home I settled in at a truck stop which had pizza at $5 a slice, stale candy on sale, and WiFi.  I coulda had regrets at spending a whole day not earning a penny and putting out a lot more than a penny.  But I didn't.  I had test marketed Boston as a place to live.   And I ruled it out.  I had made more contacts. I might get interesting freelance work.  

In addition, at the truck stop I met a truck driver who had been taking the baby steps being a writer.  We talked for about an hour.  By time I had hit the road again I felt like, instead of wasting a day, I had done a useful day's work in terms of my career path.

Attitude is everything.   For me, being able to frame current pain as opportunity came late in life.

Aging: Yes, a variable but not necessarily the significant one

"In her 60s, my mother got her Master's degree and then a job paying $75,000."

That's what an acquaintance told me last night when I finally recognized that age is, yes, a variable in a job search but not necessarily a significant one.  For example, now that I have repositioned myself to sell a set of specialized skills I am in more demand. On interviews it's obvious that what I can offer overrides any of their concerns about my age.

The game seems to be about approaching our credentials in a way that's directly aligned with demand in the marketplace.  That could mean letting go of tasks we like to do but there is little market for.  We simply leave that out of resumes, cover letters, samples, and interviews.  

What I have ditched is my experience in being highly critical of whatever.  Several years ago when blogging was new, yes, there was a market for that.  Not now.  End of that story.

The Market Shifts: My big mistake

Telecommuting had served many of us self-employed well.  Then two things happened.  Because of all the layoffs there was a glut of us competing for the work.  Also, there was less work.  Perhaps those doing the contracting out had been burnt.  Whatever, like most human beings, I didn't want to believe it.  I am still holding out hope that I can still live by the sweat of my brow over the laptop in my living room.

It took a while but finally I came around.  I got it that I had to work onsite or even get a full time job.  My fear led to my mistake: Not applying since I assumed I was too old.  Instead I grabbed at the bits and pieces of telecommuting work that was thrown my way.

Then I did the unthinkable.  I applied for both onsite and full time work.  Shock.  I got interviews.  In fact, lots of them.  The rub was that I had forgotten how to compete.  Also I had lost the knack of deferring to the person with the most power and that person is the one who can assign work.

It's been a learning curve.  But progress has happened and just in time. On Monday I drive to Boston to interview for the dream job of all times.  I will keep you posted.

DIY: Over-50 & you are your own executive coach

In the spirit of DYI, more of the over-50 are taking on the role of being their own executive coach.  They save thousands of dollars and derive the unique satisfaction of knowing they have the insight, courage, and capacity for change to reset themselves for a marketplace which is continually changing.

Here are the five steps they usually take.

One, they accept themselves as they are and where they are.  That's exactly where they can then make modifications, with gentleness and self-love.  A useful book on that is "Radical Acceptance."

Two, they analyse the winners in a range of fields and make a list of the traits they all seem to have in common.  Then they decide which of those traits they can add to or increase in their own way of presenting themselves to the world - and to themselves.

Three, they research the marketplace.  Once they identify growth areas they do an inventory of what skills and experience they can leverage to fit that.  They continue to do that.  No career path is ever done. 

Four, they reach out and help others reset themselves, pro bono.  We learn the most when we teach it. 

Five, they read or view inspirational material.  That provides the platform on reframing thought patterns.  We are what we think.

Over-50 & Selling Jeeps: That wasn't in the cards for me

Money is the force in America.  So, my heart beat faster when a former lawyer I had coached for career transition claimed he made about $2,000 on many of the cars he now sold.  Suppose I sold only two a week?  That meant that I could gross $4000 weekly.  Not a bad way to bring home the bacon.

There was also my background in the automotive industry.  I had worked full time in Detroit for GM and Chrysler.  During the process I had participated in actual sales.  Of course, that was a different time and I was lots younger and lots cuter. 

An ad appeared on Craigslist that an auto dealership was exploding in business and needed sales help.  Why not, I thought: Apply.  That I did. To my surprise, quickly I received an invitation to come for an interview.  Since the car industry tends to be conservative, I got out the Talbots classic black suit, pumps, pantyhose, and Coach attache. 

Tip off this wasn't going to pan out: Not one female dealer was there at the time.   Another tip off was that the commission figure wasn't in any $2000 ballpark.  There didn't seem to be an age barrier, though.  Dealers ranged from Generation Y to Baby Boomers. 

I was told that the training program, unpaid, was to begin today.  If they wanted me they would call by 8:00 P.M.  I carried my smartphone everywhere.  No call came.

Now I can rule out selling cars as part of the way I will keep working for the next 20 years or until my mind turns inward and plays with the past, not the present.   Next week I have an interview to do writing for a legal media property.  Maybe that will yield income.

May Days from Baby Boomer Times: We learned we could change

Activists in Occupy Wall Street had leveraged May Day to get back on the media radar screen.  Time will tell if that works. 

The May Day rallies brought back to me memories of my own Baby Boomer political activism.  So many of our generation had come from a conservative background.  Because there were so many of us we had to stay within the lines to get into the system's schools and jobs.  Then we found out that we could change.  We could rethink our assumptions and adopt new behaviors.

All that is coming in handy as the world of work becomes undone.  Instead of waking up every morning as a fixed me I scan the horizon for opportunity and then figure out what parts of my background I can package to pursue that.

This week I might get my third interview for a dream communications placement. I have been approaching presenting myself as a continuum of constantly aligning myself to the shifting competitive factors.

Getting Used to Rejection: At least I'm getting interviews

I know that sooner than later I will do everything just right.  That will put me in the happy space where all my time is booked with work.  That work might be consulting or a full time job.

Meanwhile I have actually gotten used to rejection.  During the past six weeks I have been turned down for three jobs.   I was even able to frame that as they're knowing I wasn't a good fit.  Therefore, I will eventually get the work which fits me since I am giving off all the right signals.

The good news is that next week I have the third interview for a job that pays well and which I mostly can do from my home office.  What matters most about that one is that it would enable me to pay off my debt fast.  After that, dreams can be entertained again.  At the top of the list is buying a tiny getaway in Rhode Island.  Not on the ocean but close enough.

Zen of Interviewing: Don't care (so much)

Desperation.  Over-eagerness to close the deal.  Resentment about having to interview at all.  And simply trying too hard.  Any or all of these cause us to blow interviews.  I know.  I did that for six "sure things."  Then I reverse engineered what I was doing and not doing.  It was so obvious that I was being overly aggressive.  Since the person with the most power - that is, the one doing the interviewing - sets the tone of that process, not me, I was not viewed in a favorable light.

To get help I consulted a Buddhist monk.  Essentially what he recommended is to detach from the outcome, just focus on being in the now in every minute of the interview.  That would free me up to speedread the cues the interviewer was giving off about the tone, pacing, and what was expected in the way of content.  The layman's way of describing that is not to care, at least not too much.

With practice comes calm.  Or at least a calming down, at least during the interview itself.  We may not sleep the night before.  We may feel like we are walking to the gallows on the way to the interviewer's office.  But once inside, we stay in the moment.  We rivet our attention on  the interviewer, not ourselves.  We watch for signs that the conversation is shifting or that the interviewer is telling us through body language that it is time to wrap it up.

With my new mindset I am not only doing better on each interview.  I am getting more of them because I am also calm on the phone.

That Thank-You Letter: E or snail

We walk out of the interview feeling really good.  Now the next step is to send that thank-you note.  Yes, it's required.  We must follow up. Otherwise the interviewer figures we're not interested in the job, or at least not interested enough to take that next step. 

The question many of us over-50 have is if we should send the thank-you note by email or through the postal service.  On BUSINESS INSIDER, Jessica Liebman explains that it must be via email.  Snail makes us come across as "yesterday."  Also, it could get lost. The U.S. Postal Service is not all that reliable.  It could wind up on the wrong desk in the organization.  The busy administrative assistant could toss it.  So, yes, do email.

In the thank-you, we first of all express our appreciation that the organization gave us time to present ourselves.  Then we tell why we want the job, briefly.  Then we single out one thing we were really impressed with.  Then we do a wrap with why they should hire us. 

Pat Buchanan: Old enough to have known better

The world had changed and political analyst Pat Buchanan hadn't changed with it.  His views, as he expressed on MSNBC and in his book "Suicide of a Superpower" were too coldly far right for these time of economic suffering.  Instead of generating a national conversation, his tone and content shut down debate.

No surprise, Buchanan got the ax from MSNBC.  At his age he should have known better.  As we age we learn the need for flexibility.  That's exactly the message of Lewis Richmond in his breakthrough book "Aging as a Spiritual Practice."

The payoff from that, observes Richmond, can be extraordinary.  On page 29, he says:

" ... those who remain flexible and roll with the punches age the best, stay the healthiest, and live the longest."

They also keep their jobs or their clients.