Over-50

Flowers Delivered in the Desert: Card is signed Charlotte Oliwa Toal, Northeast artist

Sweat pouring off him, a young man walked slowly to the door of my new home in the desert. He was carrying a vase of flowers in full bloom. Not the kind which happen on cactus.  

He rang the bell. Some mistake, I thought to myself.

"What address are you looking for?" I asked him.

He read the address off.  He was in the right spot in the desert.

"You are Jane Genova?"

"Yes."

So began an afternoon deep-digging into 51 years of memories.  The sender is Charlotte Oliwa Toal.  She is now an artist in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, about 30 miles from where we started attending college 51 years ago.  

We were both in the same Freshman Composition class.  One of our chief preoccupations, aside from being critical of the administration, was that anticipation trumps the play-out of any reality.

Later we roomed together.  That year there was a  sign of the creative paths we were going to take. Charlotte did the graphics and I did the narrative for a book on Keraju the Witch. We gave it to that Freshman Composition professor who had several children. For years they mentioned it as part of their own memory banks. 

Today, Charlotte's life is a work of art, from the interior decorating of her home to the kinds of gifts she bestows on us. Her visual sense had put together the juxtaposition of a vase of fresh flowers and the dry, hot desert of Arizona. The experience was likely meant to be provocative.  And that it was.

Creativity seems to be the crazy glue which bonds more than a half a century old schoolgirl friendship. 

Baby Boomers: Making our second major nervous breakdown productive

It wasn't until J.D. Salinger had a major nervous breakdown post-World War II that he came into his own as a writer.  In the documentary about him we witness how he leveraged the brutal traumas of loss into creating the tone and material for his craft. His writing became a tool for healing.

We Baby Boomers should follow his example in channeling the unique suffering of aging and working into an edge in our professional lives.  Many of us are discovering that a nervous collapse isn't something which happens with the intersection of a new college graduate and the real world.  One after another, we fell into that black hole of not knowing.  If we were shrewd we packed up what we had learned about ourselves and the world and made that our platform for personal and professional success. 

Now we can do the same thing.  In both my personal and professional networks, friends, family, neighbors, colleagues and clients are dropping like flies. Some are getting on their feet in mental hospitals and substance abuse rehabs.  Others, as I did in 2003, are using outpatient therapy and medication ( Download Geezerguts).  From what I have observed, including in myself, we emerge better equipped to handle life on life's terms. 

The trick is to be patient.  Eleven years after my breakdown I am still putting the new pieces together.  Of course, I anticipated a faster full recovery.  I have never seen that happen. Time = Things I Must Earn. The good news is that once we learn those things our lives go easier and attract more good things.

I have friends. I didn't in 2003.  To do that I had to struggle with how to make friends, that is, boost my Emotional Intelligence (EI).  Running my communications boutique isn't so angst-filled.  Also, I can assess that something is over and trust my judgment.  In the Northeast work has dried up for me.  Next week I am relocating to the Southwest.  I have been getting more assignments from that area. The cost of living is less. And the weather is a better fit for this aging self.  No, I never looked back after making this decision.

Takeaway: Nervous breakdowns are a terrible thing to waste.

Baby Boomers: Yes, try sales and yes, it's open

Baby Boomers, you might be one of life's late bloomers who discover your career path late in life.

And that career path could be sales.  The good news is that it can pay better than you ever anticipated, that's if you manuever to the right spots. Here is a Forbest piece on compensation and the need to get yourself into the high end, eventually.

The other bit of good news is that, unlike so many other fields, this is open. That's because of its high turnover. The game is binary: Either you can sell or you can't.

Here are some of the easiest ways in to get yourself started:

Apply for retail. Link that to what you know. For example, PetSmart has an opening and you have been in animal rescue for 10 years and have two dogs.  Soon enough you may know enough to be a sales rep for an dog food company or a vet supplier of equipment.

Get a license. That will put you in the game. The game might be doing rentals at William Pitt residential real estate, then moving into sales.  You could also become a leasing agent for a gigantic complex.

Work on commission.  The trick is to find the product or service you know you can sell.  If you had been in the home security business before the company laid off middle management you could probably do well selling residential security systems.  Eventually you can move into a better paying position in that same industry. Maybe you can land a managerial position or even become a sales trainer.

Volunteer to work the counter for a relative or friend. That gives you sales experience to put on your resume. Then you are good to go.

I know from my social networks there is no or little age bias in sales. If you can sell, they want you. An acquaintance, after recovering from a divorce and substance abuse crash, is back making the six figures selling in Manhattan. He takes Metro-North in from Connecticut. 

Baby Boomer Success Story: From Unpacking Trucks to Heading Supermarket Department

Let's call him Joe.  Drowing in debt, he found himself a back-breaking job unpacking trucks. They were delivering packaged goods to a deli not in the best part of New Haven, Connecticut. Then he would stock the shelves with that merchandise. Meanwhile he had to constantly watch if a line started to form at the counter and jump in to help. Before he clocked out, he had to sweep the store and the sidewalk outside.

He leveraged that into a permanent full time job with benefits and union protection in a supermaket a bus ride away. Within a few months he was made head of a department. Part of his duties remains stocking shelves. But now he is making strategic decisions about what to order and how to display all that.

His problems are now Cadillac ones.  Today he told me he was torn between buying a new car or hunting around for an apartment near work.  That neighborhood is upscale.

Takeaway: It doesn't matter where you start. What matters is how aggressively you leverage that experience.

Working Baby Boomers: Not distracted by condo special assessments, bumps in property taxes

Less can be more when it comes to real estate for Baby Boomers who are determined to keep working.  Renting rather than owning can free us from financial distractions and emotional stress.

Since late 2004, I have been renting.  That was after years of demanding the privacy and status of owning my residence.  At one point that property included a This Old House on the Gold Coast of Connecticut and a getaway at the Jersey shore.  

Being a renter prevents financial surprises.  Those range from a special assessment in a condo complex to an increase in property taxes.  If a client goes elsewhere or business is slow I no longer have to panic.

In addition, I no longer have the stress of maintenance. In the angst-filled days of ownership if something went wrong I had to scout up help, wait for it to arrive and then pony up the fee for service. Now I call maintenance. The complex where I have been living for eight years responds pronto, including on the Saturday night when a bat flew into my apartment.

Since I want to focus more on the Boston Metro market and less on the New York Metro one, I have been exploring relocating to the eastern most tip of Connecticut.  Twice I looked at rentals.  Twice the realtor attempted to talk me into a condo.  Yes, the purchase price was low and the common charges, at least at the time, were relative peanuts.  I agreed with the realtors: Owning would be cheaper than renting. But, all the condos had recently had special assessments, mostly for energy-conservation reasons. There were rumors that more were on the way.

At this stage of the life cycle I have to focus my declining level of personal energy on work.  I can't get caught up in financial woe which could be prevented.  For the time being, I will continue searching for a rental. 

Aging & Working: It (also) takes a village to help us navigate that

Betty White has become known for her line, "Aging isn't for sissies." She said that in one of her books even though aging has provided her with a whole new branding.  She was referring to aging in general.  

When it comes down to us mature professionals who intend to continue to keep working it's an understatement that such a goal isn't for sissies.  Since I turned 58, when my industry blew up, I have been hitting bottoms as well as magnificent highs in operating my own business.  In May I will be 69.  I have no intention of ever retiring. 

But I would have thrown in the towel had I not been living in a "village" where emotional support, wise motherly advice and one of those eye-rolls now and then have kept me focused on my goal.  Yes, a village is not only needed to guide children, as Hillary Clinton noted.  A village is mandated for the challenge of overcoming those with garlic in their soul who would like us over-50 to become invisible.  And free up work slots for them.

I got lucky.  The villagers came to me.  The first to arrive was former college classmate and newspaper editor at Seton Hill Lee Harrison.  Her photo is to the left.  I was at one of several bottoms. She was both the good mother and the annoyed eye-roller about stupid moves I was making.

Then, Lee brought in her posse.  Mostly they have been other college buddies like Kathleen Huebner, Irene Nunn, Charlotte Toal and Karen Codaro.  Finally, a best friend from the good old days Anne Desmond also approached.  

Why the villager factor is so powerful is because they are my age (Lee being the exception who is one year younger).  They know exactly what buttons to press to encourage me in a fresh direction. Likewise they spot immediately my bad habit of chasing assignments I see as cool and which, as my magical thinking goes, will make me seem youthful.  Either I don't get the assignments. Or I do and screw up.  After all, I am a 68 year old writer.  Not one of the cool kids on Gawker.

Lately, villagers and I have been knocking around the idea of my relocating to Arizona (where Kathleen pitched her tent several years ago).  They sense and I sense it's time to try out the southern market for my services.  And leave the New York Metro glamour market to the young.  Because I am on the East Coast, the south hasn't taken me seriously.  Also, the cost of living is lower.  I could afford to choose my assignments.  

How can you establish your village?  Break open to possibility.  If you are, they will come.  We aging are eager to help each other - and generous in doing that.  We know no one is going to go to bat for us.  

One tactic is to form a Working Anonymous 12-step program in the village.  The first step is, "I am powerless over aging and the bias of the work world has made my professional life unmanageable." To conduct the meetings order "The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions" of AA on Amazon.com.

The village has a new resident, a four-footer.  The posse talked me into adopting him after my 18-year-old feline companion died.  I named him Lee K., after Lee and Kathleen.  Because I have Lee K. I can consider relocating for a shot at new kinds of business opportunities for my executive and marketing communications boutique.  I won't be doing it alone.  Lee K. et al. will be there.

Baby Boomer Moment of Clarity: We are no longer in the spotlight

That moment of clarity.  It's when we see and embrace a painful reality.  The classic one is the the unhealthy looking man in the bar, staring into the mirror, recognizing himself as the drunk he is and deciding to take the first step into recovery.  

For many of us Baby Boomers that moment of clarity is that the spotlight is no longer shining on us. Yes, we may be still able to bring in income, maybe a lot of it.  Last year the revenues from my executive and marketing communications boutique was higher than it had been in several years. I have been able to pay off all but a $7,000 balance on credit cards.  My portfolio is excellent.  My references speak well of me.

But, I am no longer a star.  No longer does my brandname pop into prospects' minds and they consider me their first choice.  I have become a vendor who has to pitch aggressively for accounts.  The good news is that I do nail down enough to be financially secure, for now. The bad news is that it feels like a punch in the stomach to recognize that I no longer set off wattage.

Sure, there are those in their 60s, 70s and even 80s whose light didn't dim.  They range from Warren Buffett to Roger Ailes.  They remain celebrities. 

But the more likely scenario, even if we are late bloomers, is that we have to embrace being just another vendor among vendors, worker among workers and part-timer among part-timers.  The gain from this is that all our energy can go into our lives. None of it gets consumed in watching others watch us. 

Baby Boomers: Back to the past, to improve current professional performance

Listen to spiritual advisors, psychotherapists, psychics, 12-step sponsors and close friends and they often hammer one thing to us Baby Boomers who are professionally stuck: Drop the baggage from the past.  Sometimes the best way to get our arms around that task is to return to the past.

Before technology gave us social networking sites like Facebook we had to depend on class reunions to do that.  Now and then we might attempt to get back in touch with our buddies who had drifted away.  That usually was awkward and left us feeling like we had made a stupid mistake.

Thanks to Facebook, over a two-year period I got to re-visit the past, on my terms.  I could comment and "like" as often as I found it useful.  I could stand back for weeks if I decided I needed to absorb the insight I was receiving about who I was, who they were and who we all are now.

What kind of baggage have I been able to dump?

At the top of the list is the self-hate for the person I used to be.  The amazing realization is that few remember that person as I did.  More importantly no one cares.  Everyone is preoccupied with the challenges of the present.

Secondly, genuine caring exists.  After being battered by the economy and disappointing relationships, we can become cynical about just about everything.  Such a mindset doesn't represent the world as it is.  For example, when I had two biopsies for breast cancer, my former college buddies cared.  They include Lee Harrison, Dr. Kathleen Huebner, Irene Nunn and Charlotte Toal.  They truly shared the good news when the test results were negative.  

Third, people can teach us more than the experts.  I had read a zillion books about aging.  But it was in the back and forth with folks on Facebook that I could come to terms with aging. They gave me the gift of their personal experience.

For now, I plan to invest less energy in Facebook.  It seems my college friends are at the same point on their social network sharing.  This might be a time to integrate what we have learned. Or it may represent a fork in the road when we go the last parts of our life's journey without each other in our present.  However, those people will now always remain in my memory bank.  I can dip into it when I become stuck.

Baby Boomers: We're letting it be, finally

The Counterculture was supposed to be about letting it be.  

We drove across the nation in our VW bugs singing Beatles songs about that.  But, come on, few of us Baby Boomers really got the hang of that -until now.  And that's why some of us have turned out to be late bloomers. 

For example, I can now do my writing, both in client work and for my own self expression, without going through such self doubt and angst.  A college classmate won first prize in an art contest.  Another made peace with herself that she will never be "famous." A friend who had been canary yellow from alcohol abuse never thinks about a drink.  

How did all that happen?  The Counterculture, built on a Disney vision of peace and love, never told us life would be full of pain.  It was.  That has been a shock.  But we got on the other side of that.  And that was what did the trick.  In a sense we don't care, at least not as much as we used to. And we stopped trying so hard. We just let it be.

Baby Boomers: New Great Divide Is Those Who Know How to Find Work, Those Who Don't

It's palpable.  Status, influence and having a sense of self - all that has shifted to the Baby Boomers among us who manage to find work.  That's the new great divide.  It's the acid test for if we are able to navigate reality in the 21st century.  Our past doesn't matter.  How much we make doesn't matter.  How we make a living doesn't matter. What matters is if we need/want to work and have managed to score on that count. 

"She will never find a job."  That's how folks in the senior citizen complex where I live have written off one of our younger residents.  She's only in her late 50s.  And, it's become obvious that she is doing it all wrong in looking for a job.  This has been going on long enough that she has taken on the "smell" of being unemployable.  Increasingly she's being isolated.  It scares others that she is so unable to figure out new realities.

Another woman, at least the last I had heard, had been out of work for 20 months.  Her attitude has hardened in brittle defensiveness.  We all have a hunch the negatively seeps through in interviews.  Yes, she does interviews.  But never closes on a job. Of course, she "smells."

So, how can you make the leap from being unemployable to landing work, any kind?  It's an inside job.  You have to admit that everything has changed.  Most of us represent glut.  We are older and less attractive to employers and clients/customers.  Wages and fees have undergone some deflation.  Once we accept that then we can allow that internal paradigm shift or 180 which opens us to looking for work in fresh ways.  The past is not prologue.