Over-50

Woodstock Gen Learns to Be Open to Life, Less Open to Other People

Unlike our parents we were open. We shared our insecurities, wine and bodies at Woodstock. Then I went off with my backpack to Spain. There my open nature was seen as charming. I got various kinds of jobs, everything from translating to serving coffee in a cafe on Calle de San Francisco in Barcelona. 

Eventually, we all "grew up," at least enough to land good corporate jobs. There was no need not to be open with others. Even if what we confided was used against us, the world was one of professional opportunity.

Then came the 21st century. Times changed. There was less opportunity. And, alas, we had aged. There was little margin for error.

I was slow to grasp that. Foolishly I was open with classmates from Seton Hill University, Greensburg, Pennsylvania about a professional reversal in 2003. Maybe they meant to be helpful by piling on the advice, especially on Facebook. Maybe they were enjoying my struggle to turn around my business. Whatever. How I regret that whole enchilada. I felt so hurt at being underestimated as well as seemingly being treated like a child. 

The brutal lesson learned: Be circumspect. With just about everyone. There is no need and lots of potential peril in sharing details about one's professional life. 

That's why we crave intimacy so much. I do have a friend I can be open with. About 90 percent of the time he doesn't disappoint me in his response. 

Yes, simultaneously I continue to be open to life. That's exactly why my communications boutique has caught fire. 

Still Dreamin'

I talk with working Baby Boomers.  Everyone still has dreams for their professional life, whether they are an employee or, like me, operating a business. The difference from our youth and middle years is that the dreams are more circumscribed. That doesn't mean they're less motivating or exciting.

For example, a mid-level manager in compliance at an insurance company dreams about opening his own boutique for small businesses to outsource their compliance function.

A newly self-employed owner of a tutoring franchise dreams of being the expert on how to improve performance on standardized tests. 

Me? In about five years I assume that telecommunications, including all payments made digitally, will get to the point that I can operate my business from an RV. I will maintain Arizona as my legal home and where I receive medical and dental care through Medicare. One of the most creative, productive times of my life was when my animal companion Lee K. and I were driving from New England to Arizona. I long to be back on the road. 

Do I miss the outsize dreams, like being a presidential speechwriter? Not in the last few years. I have invested plenty of research and energy into adjusting to aging. No way could I put in the 18 hour days demanded in the White House. 

Hillary Clinton: Over-exposed, Maybe Over-the-hill

There are late bloomers. And there are radiant presences who fade. Hillary Clinton may be among the latter.

Of course, she is over-exposed right now. Tomorrow she will be on "The Daily Show" again. But that, bad in itself, also reinforces how out of touch she is with what we want in a leader. 

Too cautious, too tired-looking, and seemingly too hungry, she has been turning off members of all generations. I jawed with liberal Millennials. They have given up on Clinton. They are taking a look at what the GOP might have to offer.

To more of us, Jeb Bush seems a reasonable choice to lead. Chris Christie is cut from Clinton cloth when it comes to the fierce hunger.  It's obvious he wants the power way too much. That will cook his goose, just like it cooked John McCain's when he ran for president.

We who came of political age when Clinton was just starting out as a visible force are sad that it has come to this. She still has time to exit nicely. Her cover story is that she wants to make a full commitment to the Clinton Foundation and change the world in that way. 

Mary McCarthy's "The Group" - 51 Years Later

In 1963, when "The Group" by Mary McCarthy was published, it shocked. It looked at the raw underbelly of life for educated women once they graduated an elite institution. Here is Vanity Fair's take on the book, the controversy and lessons perhaps learned.

That same year, what was going to be the Class of 1967 entered women's Roman Catholic Seton Hill in Greensburg, Pennsylvania.

Our biology teacher Sister Florence Marie told us that we could not take the birth control pill, a technology invented in 1960, unless there was medical justification. A number of Freshman classmates stopped their education, pregnant. Others left school because they wanted to get married, assumed they would become pregnant, so that was that.

Weekly we attended etiquette lessons to prepare us to entertain our husband's clients. One early how-to involved eating a banana the right way. 

The head of the English Department Sister Miriam Joseph hammered me about my weight.  Of course, I dug in my heels and ate more and more. Yes, I was one of the myriad English majors who landed in real life without a marketable skill. 

As an outsider (I never was a "Seton Hill woman") and a writer I observed my classmates and myself during the past 51 years. My conclusion is that we were as ill prepared and equipped to deal with life on life's terms as those in "The Group." Soon after graduation, as in "The Group," one attempted suicide. Unlike "The Group," she didn't succeed. 

The most painful part of the past 50+ years was that if we kept our suffering secret we couldn't gain perspective. Had I known some of my classmates were as ambitious as I was I might have given myself permission to focus solely on my work. On the other hand, when we were open about our setbacks, we could become victims of unsolicited and sustained advice. My biggest regret is sharing with four classmates a professional catastrophe in 2003.

Will female Millennials and Generation Z (here is my article on Z) suffer less than we Baby Boomers did? Hell if I know. My focus now is to find joy where it can be found. For that reason I now refrain from associating with any member of the Class of '67. That's exactly the wrong space for me. Around the turn of the century, I notified Seton Hill to remove me from all mailing lists.  Any communications from the institution, I informed them, would be treated as harassment. 

Richard M. Scaife: His Newpaper Gave Me My First Break

Back then in Westmoreland County, Pennsylvania I was still too self-involved to know that the Tribune-Review was a conservative newspaper.  All I knew is that, already I was in my early 30,s and it published an article I submitted. It was about the ethos of a flea market.  I also didn't know that the publication's owner was GOP champion Richard M. Scaife. I was a registered Democrat.

His death, which he predicted his many enemies would relish, resonates with me because that article was the beginning of a whole new career for me. Yes, I was on my way to becoming a writer. Within a few years, Chevron would hire me to ghostwrite articles and speeches for their brass. Not long after that I would be at Chrysler ghostwriting away for Lee Iacocca as he saved Chrylser and hundreds of thousands of American jobs. 

The success in writing came just in time. Within about 60 days of publishing the article in Scaife's newspaper my employer in Greensburg State Senator Jim Kelley canned me from the research assistant job. Kelley is now a judge there. That puzzles me. He seemed to have judged me very wrong indeed. 

 

Baby Boomer observes, "It's perfectly fine with me (and my clients) that I'm a B+ now"

Often, thanks to both our experience and honed talent, we Baby Boomers find - shock - that we can delight our clients and our employers with just doing the assignment or job.  And not striving for extradordinary performance.

A successful 55-year-old web designer confided to me, "It's perfectlyt fine with me and my clients that I'm a B+." Gone were the days when she made it her business to chase the "As." 

It could be that we recognize that our usual performance tends to superior to that of much of our competition.

It could be that we have found out that there is more to life than work.  We have made the decision not to put so many eggs in that basket.

And/or we don't "need" fame as we had in our 30s and 40s.

Me? I am thrilled when my communications work gets clients the outcomes they need.  I enjoy being able to operate a thriving business, even though I am no spring chicken. It's exciting learning about fresh developments in my field. 

But, I no longer lose sleep if I don't get an account I bid for or a client is not totally pleased. That's the gift which comes from the wisdom of aging.

Emotional Meatloaf: Leftovers from College Can Taste Bitter

Institutions of higher learning seem to milk the nostalgia of graduates for their fund-raising or, as it's now called, "institutional development." 

For the Class of 1967 at Seton Hill, Greensburg, Pennsylvania there could have been a lot of shared memories of seeming emotional innocence. We trusted, for example, that if we were nice, listened, kept our weight under control and drank like ladies our Prince Charming would give us a ring senior year.

That didn't happen enough. Too many of us had to enter real life with having to make a living and ill-equipped for that, given our liberal arts education. And those who did take the vows of matrimony that summer of '67 also experienced brutal adjustments as their spouses struggled to make ends meet.

Things didn't become much easier as the decades went by. Our generation lacked the tools future ones were given for coping with life on life's terms. Eventually, I had to go to a 12-step program to be introduced to Reality Fundamentals. 

There is bitterness, including toward each other, to show for that. I bumped into those emotional meatloaf leftovers as I dumb-as-dirt reached back to renew those relationships. Some were in person. Some on the phone. Some through email. Some on Facebook.

Ancient resentments hardened in time into obsessive grievances.  Those who wound up only financially comfortable bad-mouthed those who leaped into the 1% via their husbands' success.  Soap opera like assessments were made of others' marriages. Bitchiness was barely masked about deconstructions of so and so's lack of social skills. 

When did it dawn on me that the members of the Class of '67 were likely also being astute about identifying my tragic flaws?  Not soon enough.

Takeaway: Make new friends. That will allow us to keep the fond memories of college friendships intact.

Baby Boomers As "Spiritual Pilgrms" - Let's be wiser shoppers

Earning a living, relationships and health.  Some or all of that became issues again as we hit 50 or 60.  Yeah, we assumed our lives were set. We had made smart choices  and that was that.  We even had our wills, for possessions and end-of-life procedures, done.  

Then the world changed, our industry changed, family members changed, friends changed and we changed.  That wonderful (smug) centering was gone.  

The good news is that we began to search.  Some of us became "Spiritual Pilgrims." We tried eastern religions, yoga, mindfulness centers, tarot-card reading services and wellness pop-up stores. 

The bad news is that we too often didn't get what we needed to process our current lives and move on to the Next.  Some of these services merely wasted our time. Some, we assessed, wasted our money.

Let's not over-react. Searching is necessary in these volatile times. The rub is that we gotta become wiser shoppers.  Yes, we have to approach providers of services as we would any other situation in which we will invest scarce resources like time, money - and hope.

What is useful it asking those whose values we are comfortable with for recommendations.  Then, we seek out free trial offers. After that, we make pragmatic buying decisions. 

Working Baby Boomers: 21st Century Pioneers

We beat the odds!

At least those of us Baby Boomers who are working. Somehow we figured out how to continue to make a living. Despite age bias (very real, we found out). Requirement to keep up with digital technology (ever changing). And a global crisis in the availability of paid employment, whether that be in the form of a job, chasing contract assignments or running our own enterprise.

Yes, we are the new kind of pioneer.  Probably we assumed our trail blazing days were over when we cut our hair, bought an attache case and joined middle management in Corporate America.  From then on, we followed. Not broke new ground.

For me that trail blazing has been physical. In early April, Lee K, my trusty animal companion and I, packed into our Chevy ("See the USA in your Chevrolet") with survival provisions. Those ranged from a laptop and printer to meet-with-clients clothes and Cesar Grilled Chicken in Sauce canine cuisine.  On April 14th we pitched our tent in Tucson, Arizona.

My hunch was that I, "at my age," would get more assignments for my communications boutique in the non-hipster Southwest than the glam Northeast Corridor.  I was on the money.  That soul-wrenching risk paid off.

We should be proud that we are pulling this off.  But there is still that bee in my bonnet which tells me to feel sorry for myself that I could not simply glide into a paradise of enjoying life, after the rat race. Few of us expected our little lives to take on such big growth challenges. 

Baby Boomers: How to Stop Acting Old in Work, Immediately

Often, we Baby Boomers are our own worst enemies in getting and keeping work.  We act old. And old is the kiss of death in professional life.  Here's how to stop all that immediately:

Get a more diverse network. That will demonstrate that you are a smooth operator who can attract players from all generations, disciplines and earning categories.  

The usual pattern is to hunker down in a bunker with the kinds of colleagues who bring a level of comfort. Break out of that and invest the energy into making more friends and exerting more influence.

Stop alluding to age, the past and iconic players who are dead.  We got to purge our elevator talk of anything which makes reference to what Generations Y and X can't identify with. Or what turns them off. Read Tech Crunch.  That provides a whole new frame of reference.  

Dump contacts who pigeon hole you.  The present is too full of opportunity.  Those who define us narrowly won't open doors to all that.  Also, their way of seeing us can become a burden. Recently I dumped the members of my graduating class in college. They seemed back where I had been then and in my early adulthood. Now there is the bearable lightness of being.

Don't try to act young. We aren't young.  Presenting ourselves as otherwise makes us appear foolish.  A friend send me photos of my dog and myself from an outing. Neither the dog nor myself appeared young. So?

Age bias is real.  We can either be smart about this or allow the world to deny us the ability to earn a good living.