"According to the CDC, nearly one-fourth of adults ages 65 and older are considered to be socially isolated today, and more than one-third of adults ages 45 and older report feeling lonely." - Joshua Coleman, The Atlantic, April 18, 2021.
Much of our social isolation is our own fault.
Sure, some of it is results from factors not under our control. Friends die or move away. It's documented how difficult it is to make new friends as we age. We might still be busy post-career chasing after work to make ends meet.
But we also are largely responsible for the pickle we are in.
A major reason, points out Coleman, is that our generation invested so much in the next that we neglected our own social needs. That was very unlike how our other moms and dads approached parenting. As Coleman notes, we were essentially on our own. We had our little lives and our parents had theirs.
Then there was a giant economic shift. It became obvious to parents that they would have to guide their children intensively if they were to be able to eventually make a decent living. So Baby Boomer and X Generation parents lost contact with friends. They stopped joining organizations. And, now, they're alone.
Another reason we have been become so isolated socially is that we bought into careerism. Our own parents just went to work. We made work our identity.
The ethos of exteme competition made it tough to really trust anyone. Okay, we went out for drinks at the end of the week. But bond on a deep level we didn't. Since everyone where we resided was also totally into their jobs there would never again be the "old neighborhood" our parents enjoyed. As a colleague who retired from a job in D.C. noted, he moved into a suburb there and moved out to relocate in Florida withough meeting one neighbor.
A third causal agent probably was that post-college we lost the sense that friendship was so important. In the dorm we poured out our hearts to our circle of special buddies. We held on to that closeless for maybe a year or two or more after graduation.
Then life intervened. We struggled to learn our professions. At night we went for the M.B.A. degree. We hunted for a mate or became disenchanted with the one we had. There were children. Our parents developed their own problems and expected us to help out.
The medical coverage provided by our emplorers made it standard to talk to therapists about all these developments. Friends? No longer were they in the loop. Also, they were changing. We were changing. The world was changing. It was hard to find any emotional ground that we continued to share.
What to do about the loneliness?
Here is one approach. This isn't open to everyone but it has panned out for me: Relocate to where folks are known to be friendly. That's how it is in Sierra Vista, Arizona. Because of the military being based nearby, the presence of so many transients such as snowbirds and the influx of retirees eager to fill their days with socializing, the society is welcoming.
With great inconvenience and more expense than I anticipated I left the midwest, where social networks tend to be closed, to migrate to Sierra Vista. Here's an example of the ethos of reaching out to newcomers. About two weeks after I arrived in December 2020, my dog, who had cogestive heart failure, went downhill. The inevitable was obvious. After I returned from the vet, the woman upstairs had me in for tea. A spiritual organization I had joined encouraged me to talk out the grief. The head of a meditation group, which meets on Zoom, called me.
Another tactic is to struggle to break through the generational silos and make friends with younger people. The way in is to listen. They need to talk. Soon enough they are texting us regularly.
A third is to pick up a part-time job. In fact, those I coach state they are determined to land work just to socialize. The relationships might not become the close ones we had in college. But they reduce the isolation. Here, free to download, is my guide on how to get, hold and more on to better types of work, no matter our age Download Outwitting ageism.
A fourth is to develop a new hobby. Birdwatching and hiking are big around here. Afterwards the folks pack into McDonald's and talk forever.
A fith is to go to the animal shelter and adopt a dog. Walking that dog becomes a quick-acting social lubricant.
Loneliness isn't only painful. As The Wall Street Journal hammers, it's also a health hazard. It cut reduce longevity and trigger early dementia.
Fortunately, if we are determined, we can figure how we can exit the isolation.
Small changes can trigger big success in your career and your business communications. Swing by for a complimentary consultation (janegenova374@gmail.com)
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