Over-50

Transitions - I Would Have Preferred to Pass Up the Growth

Brilliantly, Nicole and Charles play out the dynamics of transition.

That's in "Marriage Story," which is really a film about divorce. 

The meme is that, yes, everything is working nicely until it stops working. Then, human beings get plunged into the pain and possibilities of adjustment and building a platform for what is next.

Currently, both in relationships and professional life, transition is the new normal. That's among the reasons "Marriage Story" resonates with so many.

The need to let go of what had been so very okay begins - how we all remember - when we graduate from college. Even if we are continuing formal education that will be in the more serious, emotionally sterile, highly competitive corridors of law school or graduate degree programs.

The bonds of college cannot hold. Adulthood seems all too hard.

What Baby Boomers didn't expect was that the transitions would continue right into semi-retirement/retirement/reverse retirement.

In the 1980s, we got knocked out of the corporate box through downsizing and technology.

The self-employment option was one we likely never anticipated taking.

Then there were the economic downturns following 9/11 and the worldwide financial crash.

Recovery wasn't evenly spread around in an America that favored youth and digital natives.

Then retirement? Maybe not for long. The Federal Reserve documents one-third of those who left the workforce have bounced back in. That even has a title: reverse retirement.

Of course, the generations following the Baby Boomers all had and are having their own kinds of transitions. And, for all it seems to be a bitch. Consider the epidemics of clinical depression, substance abuse, and suicide. 

The rah-rah crowd clucks about the growth achieved through transition. "Marriage Story" questions that kind of extreme optimism.

How some of us yearn for the whatever it takes to live the lifestyle of real-life character Christopher Knight. It was essentially transition-free.

In "The Stranger in the Woods," Michael Finkel captures the tale of 27 years living in the woods of Maine, without job, any human companionship, and sophisticated technology. In the single-minded focus on survival, Knight encountered few transitions. And even those few could be anticipated, such as the summer crowd leaving and that source of the food he would pillage cut off.   

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Economic Refugees - Don't Get Yourself into a "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel" Pickle

According to the Social Security Administration, the number of retirees receiving their monthly checks outside the U.S. zoomed up 40% between 2007 and 2017. And the media such as CBS calls those on the receiving end around the world "economic refugees."

Like all refugees, they fled their roots to find a better kind of life.

But instead of coming to the U.S. as so many from Europe did in the early 20th century, they are heading out of the U.S. to low-cost nations such as Ecuador and Mexico. 

Many of those suffered investment reversals, especially during The Crash of 2008. Others just have had with hustling. They don't want to chase after part-time jobs and gig work after they finish up their official careers. Then there are those who have had it with American values. Yes, they can truly re-start their lives without the pressure of having to be wealthy - or, at least appearing that way. 

The best way to navigate this decision is to use vacations from work to travel to those distant places.

Reading about it isn't enough. The film "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel" made that point. Brits who outlived their assets travel to a retirement center in India - without having visited it before. It's an unfinished edifice. 

More common is the disappointment that routine tasks of life, such as fixing broken plumbing, aren't done on U.S. time. Those who are supposed to do the work often don't have a sense of urgency. So, those expecting the kind of service typical in America become unhinged. 

That shouldn't surprise. Even a domestic move from the New York Metro area to the American Midwest usually requires toning down The New York. Otherwise the retiree is going to wind up isolated.

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No Fool Like an Old Fool?

Steve Jobs wannabe Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes is still in black.

Only at the pre-trial court hearing it wasn't the signature black turtleneck.

It was a basic black dress and black blazer. And, at age 35, she's still attractive.

Some conjecture that it had been her youthful blonde good looks which lured big establishment names such as Henry Kissinger to the Theranos board of directors. At one point superlawyer David Boies had represented her.

Her trial on 11 counts of wire fraud and conspiracy to commit wire fraud will begin on July 28, 2020, in San Jose, California. Here is a summary of those counts by the Department of Justice. And, here is a copy of the actual indictment. 

The contention is that she and the startup's number-two Sunny Balwani deliberately misled investors, regulators, and the public about a technology which didn't exist. Balwani, who had also been her lover, was in court but arrived separately. In a television interview he argued that Theranos represented a business failure, not a fraud. If convicted, both face decades in prison.

But meanwhile, she did win one in court. She requested that the Food and Drug Administration speed up the process of turning over documents to her legal team. It claims that would require 6 months. No way, ruled federal judge Edward Davila. He gave the regulatory agency 75 days. Here are more details from the media.

By the time of the trial, most of the tech world could be in the reputational toilet. Regulators, media, the stock market, consumers, and the public globally could have turned on it. An indication of how bad it could it get is playing out in Europe. New York University marketing professor and internet expert Scott Galloway has been predicting just that. 

My hunch is that it will be difficult for both sides - prosecution and defense - to find objective jury members in the San Jose area. The defense might request a change of venue, which could delay the trial. Delays help defendants. 

In the tabloid media this saga could go down as "The Blonde and The Old White Men." On "SNL," there can be a film noir rendition of a board meeting. 

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Baby Boomers - Making That Gigantic Shift from Post-War Wild Optimism to 21st-Century Pessimism

" … pessimism has an image problem." - David Olusoga, The Guardian, July 14, 2019. Here is the thought piece.

The unique problem for us Baby Boomers in arranging some kind of financial security as we age is this: The post-war optimism we embraced.

The odds are that pessimism about what-if scenarios would yield the results we need to not become homeless by age 85. Pessimism tends to cover more bases. 

After the carnage of World War II, those in America in charge of memes made it their business to introduce a wildly positive mindset. On the plus side, that might have helped create the economic tide which lifted all boats. 

In our overcrowded classrooms, swim lesson at the Y, and Sunday School lessons, we were told all was possible. Just keep our nose clean, go to college, get married, and (for females) don't get pregnant before marriage. 

There was no undertow of the M. Scott Peck's notion that life is difficult. It took his publishing his book "The Road Less Traveled" to make that dark idea sticky. 

Life, of course, began to block the sunshine. Popular film "The Graduate" captured how hard it was to transition from what could be called The Program for Baby Boomers to making a place for ourselves after our formal education in an economic system that was sharp-elbowed - and unfair.

Relationships, it turned out, required lots of work. It wasn't what had been positioned and packaged on 1950s series "Father Knows Best."

Disappointment made us America's First Therapy Generation.

But, early conditioning doesn't erase easily. Inside there is still our inner optimist. Trust the system. And all will turn out well.

What we should trust is what we had learned in the required science course in college. That was to apply the scientific method to problem-solving. Approach whatever as an experiment to rule out some solutions and confirm others which were effective. 

That means not buying into supposed expert advice or following the example of celebrities and neighbors.

Many initiatives as we age will fail. But if we approach them as experiments we can navigate life as it is more smoothly and with less trauma.

For example, on expert advice I relocated from aged-biased expensive New York Metro area to southwestern Arizona. The latter had a higher median age and lower cost of living. Had I framed that as try-it-out, I wouldn't have struggled so hard to make it work. Only after 27 months I moved out of AZ and on to Plan B. 

My determination to operate my two boutique for at least six more years is yet another experiment. What I have as a kind of control group are those who have retired.

In itself, retirement is a try-it-out.

According to the Federal Reserve, that plan hasn't panned out for one-third of retirees. They have bounced back into the workforce.

It's not only a matter of money. Retirees found once their professional identity was over they became invisible. 

Obviously, those considering retiring should set that up as a experiment. Their control group are those of us who remain out here hustling. Here, free to click open, is my book on how to land, hold, and move on to better work, at any age Download Outwitting ageism.

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Diane Keaton, 73, Hasn't Been on a "Date" in 35 Years

Sometimes we need a role model to feel good about a choice we have made or a lifestyle we have fallen into.

For the aging that might be to not go out on "dates" any more. We may not want the burden of a romantic relationship. We may have come to treasure the routine we have developed. And/or that sort of things might never have worked out for us.

That role model could be Diane Keaton. She's been around a long time. Years ago she won an Oscar for "Annie Hall." Currently, she's a major character in "Poms." 

In the New York Daily News she discloses that, now 73, she hasn't been on a date in 35 years. Also, she never did marry, though she had romantic relationships with Woody Allen, Warren Beatty, and so on. She has two adopted children.

She says she enjoys male companionship but that hasn't crossed the line for years into passion. 

This is refreshing. And it could give us the courage to push back on the pressure to be part of a couple, straight or gay, at any age. 

Perhaps there should be a movement: Not Looking for Soulmate. 

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Negative Role Model for How to Age: Angelica Houston

What's immediately obvious: Angelica Houston looks older than her 67 years.

That kind of observation isn't age-shaming. It's fair game when the focus is on a celebrity. 

Born into fame as daughter of genius director John Houston, Angelica had every advantage in the film industry. She reached the top by winning an Oscar. 

Then, unlike some others in entertainment, she was unable to maintain relevance.

Those others who never skipped a beat in being important to their fans range from Clint Eastwood, who kept on evolving, to Betty White, who created a fresh persona as an aging entity. 

Now, Angelica seems to be struggling to be back.

She has a role in the pop culture phenomenon "Jack Wick 3." But her acting is uninspired. If she still has got it, the it didn't come out.

There she is on Page Six of the New York Post. 

But she looks inward. It could be labeled "A Woman in Full." There are no takeaways about what we can learn from her life.

The LA Times takes a peek into where she bunks. Yawn.

Some other celebrities should, like Johnny Carson, leave at the top of their game. They can transition to being a global philanthropist or establishing an institution training young talent in the entertainment business. 

Then there are those who struggle to hang on. That in itself can destroy their brand. The first line in Angelica's obituary could be: She tried for a comeback that never happened ..."

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That Career Is Over - So?

" … [Madonna'] 'Medellin' failed to catch on. It rose to number 9 on iTunes briefly, and now sits at number 32 … Beyoncé's 'Homecoming' album, released the same day, has sold or streamed a total of 43,000 copies in 48 hours." - ShowBiz411, April 19, 2019. Here is the article. 

Here is the audio - chachacha - from "Medellin," which is the lead-in to Madonna's new album "Madame X." Out in mid June, "Madame X" is supposed to be the 60-year-old's comeback platform. 

Nothing about "Medellin" is fresh.

That's why Madonna is being positioned and packaged as "washed up."

It isn't her age per se.

Betty White, a relic from the Mary Tyler Moore era, is in her 90s. She did fresh. That was through creating the persona as the designated role model for aging. That process, she hammered in her book, wasn't for sissies. The world loved it. Still love it. She remains marketable.

The issue Madonna raises is the scary question for all aging who are still working: Is it time to leave?

But what they are leaving might well be a very narrow career path. No, it isn't necessary to hang it all up, disappear into a retirement community in Oro Valley, Arizona, and compulsively do yoga. 

ShowBiz411 points out that the last several albums Madonna has put out have been "flops." 

Instead of continuing to do what isn't panning out, she could be testing out other ways to distinguish herself through work.

Maybe she can launch a training institution for the performing arts in Lordstown, Ohio. GM recently shuttered the plant there, putting about 1,600 out of a good job and hope. She can open the door to the light for all the Youngstown, OH metro area. The region still is caught in the shadow of Steel Yesterday.

How do the aging and those no longer perceived as "young" come up with the courage to change?

I don't know about others.

What I do know is that for me the pain of becoming invisible was greater than the anxiety involved in trying out new lines of work. That experimentation in my professional life began when I was 58. Then, that same courage took over the decisions I made in my personal life. Here is one of those stories of brutal moments of clarity and then transition.

A useful read for those caught between career paths is "Necessary Endings" by executive coach Henry Cloud. Here you can order it from Amazon.

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MeToo - What Baby Boomer Women Had Known for Decades

For every Gretchen Carlson who settled for $20 million and gained unique access to new opportunities, there have many women who lost everything in filing MeToo kinds of lawsuits. 

Yes, litigation meant burning bridges.

The plaintiffs probably felt rage.

They were convinced they were doing the right thing.

They gained satisfaction that they might be helping the next generation of professional women.

But as seasoned players in corporate life they should have anticipated that there would be retaliation.

That's just the way the world works.

In an article in Vanity Fair, Diana Falzone documents the backlash.

Talent agents won't represent the former plaintiffs.

Those in the hiring loop ignore them.

For a large number of them, the settlements weren't big money either, not the Carlson kind.

Therefore, what we now know is that the world hasn't changed much.

The cost of outing alleged injustice remains high. Those in power want their good life to continue. That rules out any possible future trouble from those who are perceived as whistleblowers. 

When baby boomer women first were getting good jobs, those of us fortunate enough to have caring mentors got clued in fast. When I confided to my mentor a perceived wrong by a male colleague his response was: Don't be a cry baby. The message was to suck it up. 

Those who, for example, were victims of handsy behavior patiently applied for other positions in the corporation. It was unthinkable to "report" such behavior. In fact, that behavior was common knowledge.

Perhaps I understood about the code of silence more quickly than many others because I had grown up amidst the machinations of the Frank Hague Machine in Hudson County, New Jersey.

In order to get jobs, have the snow plowed from your street, and be invisible to the police you had to, as the saying went, "not fight city hall."

It was very wrong.

But the system produced busses that ran on time, excellent public schools, low cost medical care at the Medical Center, a new maternity hospital (the famous Margaret Hague), and employment for anyone who wanted to work.

Those who couldn't endure such institutionalized tyranny left. I made it my business from the get-go to get a college scholarship out of state and never return.

Ironically, I ran into a more personal version of tyranny at college. To today I wonder: Would my life have been less filled with suffering had I stayed in Jersey City? There, at least, the rules were absolutely clear and I had no expectation of anything else.

Here's what every woman should know: Whether it had been the political machine in Hudson County, a Catholic women's college in Pennsylvania, or the glam careers in entertainment, the dark part of human nature tends to dominate.

Maybe the best we can do is keep struggling to find where we can live our little lives without losing a sense of dignity and some control.

I bumped into that when I became an independent contractor. I have had real choices about how to earn my living. 

Need affordable help strategically planning and putting together content? That ranges from blog posts and e-books to planning/scripting podcasts and creating traditional speeches. Complimentary consultation on how to generate influence and sell without paying high rates, janegenova374@gmail.com. 

 

No, You Don't Have to Podcast, But You Should at Least Try It

Voice has been enjoying a roaring comeback.

That probably kicked off with Alexa.

Then, podcasting became so popular. And, yes, podcasting can be monetized. 

Now you can use your voice, even on a laptop, to give commands to the Google search engine and you can get what you need. In the box on Google in which you key in your search term there is now a microphone.

You can click it on and tell Google, "Give me the weather in Youngstown, Ohio" or "How many miles between Austin, Texas and Sierra Vista, Arizona." 

Your voice can be the most powerful one on the internet. It can facilitate your control over your universe. 

However, clients and communications students ask me all the time: Do I have to do it all - text, like, share, comment, post original content on social media, and now podcast?

The answer, as with most things, is: That depends.

When what you are doing is yielding diminishing returns, it's imperative to review what is panning out, what isn't, and what should be tried.

You can try out podcasting free on Zoom. Next, research what host to use. Many are free.

Stay at it for a while You may or may not be a voice person. However, give yourself time to uncover any public speaking talent.

Need affordable help strategically planning and putting together content? That ranges from blog posts and e-books to planning/scripting podcasts and creating traditional speeches. Complimentary consultation on how to generate influence and sell without paying high rates, janegenova374@gmail.com. 

If We Get Lucky, We Will Find Redemption, Like Earl Stone in "The Mule"

In the film 'The Mule," glad hander Earl Stone enjoys things his way. 

For decades, not surprisingly, that didn't include his wife and daughter. He prefers focusing on his flower business and being a somebody in the community. 

Like most self-absorbed people, he doesn't understand why they won't let him back into their lives when he is ready to pop back in. 

But, he feels the need to keep trying to connect.

The big money he starts earning as drug transporter, when almost 90 years old, provides an opening. He pays for the flowers and an open bar at his granddaughter's wedding. You bet, he gets to attend. After he finishes strutting around, he does sit next to his ex wife. She endures his tedious presence. Yeah, he's a talker.

Then he ponies up the cost of the granddaughter's cosmetology course. Again, there's an invitation for him to join the family at the graduation. His daughter, whose wedding he had missed, refuses to sit next to him. His wife thaws a bit, though. The granddaughter beams at him. 

Meanwhile, federal Agent Bates is pursuing him. Bates mirrors Stone's self-absorption. He forgets his wife's anniversary. His obsession is on catching a big fish in order to climb the ladder at the federal agency. 

The big win is delayed when Stone risks being offed by the cartel to be with his dying ex wife. Millions of dollars in coke are in his truck for more than a week. His phone is off and the members of the cartel have no idea where he and the coke are.

Choosing to help his former wife navigate the death process is both his moment of redemption and will be his undoing.

On the one hand, the family welcomes him back. At his ex wife's funeral, the daughter extends an invitation for Thanksgiving. 

On the other, the cartel had been chatting about his disappearance on the phone. Bates tracks the conversations. That's the major break he needs.

After the members of cartel beat Stone up when he returns to work, the feds start to move in. Along the highway, he is arrested.

During his trial, Stone makes a stunner of a guilty plea. Members of the family say they will visit him regularly in prison. 

Earl Stone seems to be so many of us aging who find we are being pushed by some internal forces to search for redemption.

The self-justification is over.

We experience a compulsion to make things right, both with ourselves and with those who should have been important to us. 

As W.B. Yeats put it: The centre cannot hold. 

Stone was lucky. He got to make things right.

But, for many others who become older the resolution of the inner conflicts doesn't happen. At least not in time to prevent suicides.

"The Mule" offers perspective on the turmoil which takes us over as we age. The rate of suicide for the middle aged is soaring. 

The hunger for some kind of salvation could be the suicide trigger. The volunteers at the Samaritans, a free 24-hour hotline for those in despair, might explore that possibility with those over-50 who call. Its number is 212-673-3000.

"The Mule" is the film with the most insight about human behavior by Clint Eastwood. He also portrays the Earl Stone character.

"The Mule" is even more powerful than Eastwood's other genius creation "The Unforgiven." 

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