Over-50

Own It: "At Your Age" Your Abusive Childhood Is Still Getting You in Lots of Trouble (but, help is on the way)

The confluence of COVID-19 and a dicey economy is unleashing a tsunami of raw rage. That could reach from the client biting your head off to the murder down the block to parts of city going up in flames. 

But even in more tame times rage has cost society much. Also, individuals have lost their freedom. Jails and prison are packed with those who let their rage run its course.

In addition, my hunch is that frequently professionals with an abundance of potential get stuck because of rage under their internal floorboard.

Obviously, those anger management courses haven't been effective in reducing rage. 

However, help could be coming from a surprising source. That's Marlon Brandon. Last year, a new Brando biography- "The Contender" - was published by William J. Mann. 

The total dynamic of rage, from its source to simple ways to push it down (as Brando thought about it), is made so clear. No one needs to take Psychology 101 or tune into Dr. Phil. 

Here's what you will get from "The Contender":

• Rage can take shape because of an abusive childhood. The trauma of that may never go away. So much for the platitudes of healing. REPEAT: If you were an abused child, as Brando had been, you can be embedded with the kind of emotional setpoint that results in your throwing a punch after what others consider a minor assault on your dignity. 

• Own the rage. Through years and years of therapy and meditation Brand accepted that there was that force within him that it was his responsibility to control it.

• It's possible to create a DIY in your head to prevent the rage from rushing up to the surface - and getting you in trouble. As Mann notes, Brando was admired but not widely liked or loved. The tactic to manage the rage is analogous to what some anger-management courses teach: Find the midpoint in that powerful feeling. That is between being a doormat and exploding. Place the emotion at that safe midpoint. Then, stop. Think.  

If you are part of the post-book generation, however, the 624 pages could be too formidable to even order from Amazon or check out from the public library (they are open again).

That's the rub in this amazing resource for rage management. The author is a professor. Likely he leveraged researching and publishing this tome as a needed credential for his academic career. No surprise, although it's well-done and an engrossing read, it only ranks in the 200,000s on Amazon. It should rank higher.

Those with no intention of plowing through "The Contender" can grab onto this takeaway: Admit your childhood was that bad. Recognize when rage is building up. Push it down. Hold that position.

According to Mann, Brando finally did achieve peace of mind. That's what he chased. Not fame. Not even to create great art through his acting. 

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Aging - You Were Hot, Not You're Not, Shot at Returning to Hot

Even youth has its the grim encounter with being hot, then not.

Remember climate change activist Greta Thunberg. COVID-19 stole her thunder.

More typical is the downward trajectory of child stars such as Maculay Culkin. 

But, when the loss of hot happens to an aging player the suffering can be profound. That's because they assume - wrongly - they don't have another shot at BigSuccess. 

In itself, that expectation that they're "finished" blocks their putting together an attention-getting Next. 

The reality is that the Next can be put in play for those who are open. For the new door to open the former one has to be shut. 

The prime example is Clint Eastwood. He was open to letting go of his signature action films. He embraced serious drama. Currently Eastwood is more known for films like "Million Dollar Baby" than his earlier work.

One-time tech innovator Bill Gates forged a next and even more fame than he had on this first round. The shift has been to philanthropist. That was right in time to be the voice of reason during the COVID-19 pandemic.

And, Betty White, in a Hollywood which discards women early in the game, carved out a fresh identity through being an advocate for the aging.

Here's what I recommend to those I coach who have gotten stuck:

• You are your story. Stop telling the one about being a vice president of communications at a Fortune 50. Focus the narrative on what you are now exploring. Through that story line you could attract help to reach your new goals.
• Shift the focus from maximizing income to acquiring the know-how in the new field. A former management consultant came to me desperate to match her previous compensation. I told her she would hit a wall unless she ditched that perspective. Once she did she eventually made her mark as an intuitive coach. Continually media outlets quote her. It's irrelevant to her how much she is earning, as long as she can make ends meet. 
• Prune the network. Those from the past can block the lanes needed to navigate to get to what could pay off big. The longer in our lives we work to earn income the more colleagues, superiors, subordinates, clients, customers and old college acquaintances we will have to ditch. A useful read in Henry Cloud's "Necessary Endings."
• Have no expectations. Just go out there and try new things. If money is low, grab a survival job. Actually that could be fun and you wind up less tightly wound. Here is my book, free to read, on how to land, hold, and move on to better work, at any age Download Outwitting ageism.

One more thing. Yes, there really is a phenomenon called the "late bloomer." You might not have made it big the first time but you could pull that off the second or third. Only as he matured did Frank Lloyd Wright attract fame and influence. An amazing book about the emergence of peak performance later in life is David Galeson's "Old Masters and Young Geniuses."

Coaching, lecturing, and writing/ghostwriting thought leadership content on human resources and careers.  

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Incidentally, We Members of the Mickey Mouse Club Didn't Care About Who Walt Disney Really Was

M-i-c-k-e-y M-o-u-s-e. 

Poof. The iconic Disney logo can be eliminated from popular culture.

Deadline reports there is growing scrutiny of Disney's founder Walt Disney.

He was an obviously flawed human being. In fact, on speeches I had created on leadership for chief executive officers I leveraged his attitudes about his workforce as negatives. For example, he couldn't understand why employees would want higher compensation. After all, went his thinking, weren't they fortunate to be part of his team. In addition, he was in no way the kind of verbally polished leader of today. The undertow of his messaging signaled prejudice.

But that was then. A different time. Entrepreneurs, be they Disney or Henry Ford, could operate by their own rules. 

Today, Bob Iger, by so many current metrics, scores high on leadership. His memoir "The Ride of a Lifetime" captures his ethos of deep caring, especially of all the humans in the loop. They range from employees to consumers. 

On Glassdoor, the overall rating for working at Disney is "4" out of a possible "5."

After retiring from the job of chief executive officer, Iger parachuted back in when the business of Disney became troubled. 

Actually, as I argue in this article, Disney seems stuck. But that's a strategic matter, not a cultural one. Iger has a big job ahead of him.

That, unfortunately, will likely include the struggle to preserve the Disney logo. The founder's flaws have tainted the essence of what Mickey Mouse meant to generations. Part of that was the extreme power of creativity. 

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No Longer the Elephant in the Room: Professional Decline

" … full-scale professional … decline can feel, to some, as threatening as death itself." - Arthur C. Brooks, The Atlantic, June 4, 2020.

Careers are lasting longer. That could because human beings are living longer and maintain good health. Therefore, they can remain productive in the workforce well into their late 60s, 70s, and beyond. Also, the increase in the years of a professional life can be the result of simply needing the money. This is not your father's retirement. The cost of living, with a few exceptions, has become high throughout the U.S.

Along that extended career journey there are those who blossom in new ways or fit into unexpected roles. 

Among the late bloomers has been Clint Eastwood. Now 90 years old, his later productions such as "Miracle Dollar Baby" and "Unforgiven" have been authentic art. 

At law firm Paul, Weiss, chairperson Brad Karp has added on a global leadership position in philanthropy and social justice. His initiatives range from the Paul, Weiss Coronavirus Relief Center to creating a consortium to eliminate racial bias. Simultaneously, he manages about 1,000 lawyers at the firm.

University of Chicago research professor David Galenson documented that phenomenon of the late bloomer or game-changer in his book "Old Masters and Young Geniuses."

More often, though, is the awareness of not being the player one used to be - or the fear that could soon occur. Among the poignant memes in "Boston Legal" had been Denny Crane's observing that he could no longer sustain his once-brilliant performance as a lawyer. Instead there would be only the occasional flashes of genius. 

Professional decline, points out Brooks, can take many forms. Those range from others receiving the attention and rewards you had to not being able to keep up with what used to be the expected daily workload.

The usual response to that unraveling is denial, embedded in a thick emotional wrapper of fear. Brooks hammers that only worsens how decline impacts a professional life.

As in so many spiritual programs - be they Buddhism or the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous - Brooks' advice is acceptance. Yes, embrace that reality and go on from there.

That "there" could be a shift to semiretirement, rebranding, delegating more and taking on the role of manager, reducing the number or intensity of assignments, and/or forcing yourself to learn new skills. In addition, there is the option of retiring. That's what Johnny Carson did when at the top of his game. 

Among those who are pulling that off well has been Betty White. She created new space for herself as The Aging Woman. Bill Gates shifted from the fast-moving tech sector to funder and thought leader for making the world a better place. 

Among the professionals who might be stumbling is investment guru Warren Buffett. Although not all have given up on him, enough have. It makes you wonder why he hadn't left center stage when his act was still engaging. 

Also, in the legal sector, you got to ask if iconic David Boise, founder of Boies Schiller and Flexner, should consider rebranding. In 2020, there has been at Boies Schiller the "Partner Diaspora."

With the numbers of aging who are still doing paid work growing, the issue of decline is no longer the elephant in the room. It's palpable. Every day you size up your colleagues and yourself asking: Do they and I still got it?

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Growing Up with Roaches

Tears flowed today.

The world attended the George Floyd Memorial. Some did that in-person in Minneapolis. Others through the extensive coverage on sophisticated media such as PBS.

Among the speakers was political activist Al Sharpton. His message cut through socioeconomic differences - not just racial bias. He used the metaphor of cockroaches to describe his mission of tracking down what thrives in darkness. 

Only those of us who grew up in urban areas, most of them poverty-ridden before gentrification, emotionally bonded with that metaphor. As Sharpton pointed out, the entitled Hollywood types could never identify what it was to share one's living space with roaches.

In roach-infested tenements like mine in Jersey City, New Jersey, there was always the fear that one of the would piggyback on our school clothes into the classroom. The bullies would have a field day mocking the unfortunate kid. Vividly, I remember one little girl who had a roach on her First Communion veil. Somehow I can't imagine she ever recovered from that public trauma. 

Food not locked in the refrigerator had to be kept in tightly locked jars. Meals required total alertness, with frequent visual scans, to prevent roaches from joining in. The DIY extermination rituals didn't work for long. 

Floyd was one of us - the roach people. From the get-go, we had to fight to maintain any sense of human dignity. Of course, cockroaches undermined that.

No, that was not the situation only for people of color. My immigrant Italian family, not exactly pale WASPS, experienced disrespect just about everywhere. No surprise the meme of respect dominates the iconic film "The Godfather."

In crying for Floyd we the roach people also cried for what we had endured. Often I wondered if I wouldn't have wound up hating myself if my ancestors remained in Italy.

The ability to love myself came through years of recusing abused animals. We connect with animals via our minds. Theirs chronicled lots of four-legged versions of roach stories. They also sent me constant messages that I was a good person. In addition, a force for good.

George Floyd, like Jesus Christ, died for all of us. May his legacy, as with Christianity, bring love and hope to humanity.

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Late Bloomers - Clint Eastwood Turns 90

Success doesn't necessarily mean greatness. Major metro areas are filled with successful professionals and even blue collar types who leave no imprint on society.

For decades Clint Eastwood succeeded with B-grade films like "Dirty Harry." For those who liked money, he was a role model. The message was: Figure out a game where you could make the big bucks without a lot of heavy lifting. 

Then, something happened. Eastwood pivoted from hack to master. Today, at age 90, he is revered in the world of serious film for productions ranging from "The Unforgiven" to "Million Dollar Baby."

There really is a late-bloomer phenomenon. University of Chicago professor David Galenson documented that in his research.

Galenson found out there are two types of genius. One is the Mozart kind. Early in life they recognize their talent and know exactly how to put it out there. In literature it was Sylvia Plath. The other is the Frank Lloyd Wright version. It takes a while to figure out what is the unique strength and how to make it a platform for accomplishment. It also took a while for Sally Field to create the right niche for her acting talent. 

Galenson's book is "Old Masters and Young Geniuses."

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We Really Did Spend All That Money to Go Out to the Movies and Chow Down Overpriced Popcorn

Another economic victim of COVID-19 could be AMC Entertainment.

In mid-March, because of various shelter-in-place mandates, it had shut down its 630 theatres across the U.S. and furloughed 25,000 employees.

Reportedly it has not paid its rent. Even before COVID-19, it was struggling because fewer people were going out to the movies. They can stream at-home or watch videos on their phone. 

Given that folks are forced to stay home, they may be breaking forever the habit of paying for a movie ticket and the expensive snacks. That could deep-six the movie theatre industry in the U.S. Yes, COVID-19 could be the tipping point. 

Earlier AMC's lenders had hired law firm Gibson Dunn about a possible restructuring.

Now, according to sources to the New York Post, it has contacted Weil Gotshal & Manges about a possible Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Neither AMC nor Weil Gotshal has commented on that.

The brandname bankruptcy lawyer at Weil Gotshal is Ray Schrock. He had handled bankruptcies for PG&E, Fairway and Sears Holding.

Overall, bankruptcy practices, along with restructuring and workouts, have been thriving in the legal sector. 

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Yes, There's that Seductive Fantasy of Being Without a Home

The moderate weather and liberalism in certain urban areas make California a haven for the homeless. 

The search for a solution to this crisis is generating both desperate and innovative proposals.

Among the desperate is the one in the city of Lancaster. The proposal, backed by its mayor Rex Parris, would fine anyone feeding the homeless in a public space. Those supporting the measure hammer how the eating ritual results in public defecation. That hurts local businesses.

Among the innovative ones is a proposal coming from cruise lines. They would provide ships, docked in nearby waters, to provide housing for the homeless. Rent for the rooms would be calculated on the basis of income. Usually the homeless receive some kind of public assistance. Local municipalities would have to pay nada for this approach.

What most proposals ignore is the reality that there are homeless people who want to be out there on the street, not in any shelter.

That is chronicled in the nonfiction bestselling book turned into a film "Stuart: A Life Backwards." By Alexander Masters, it delves into the past and present of an emotionally crippled alcoholic who refuses to stay put in the housing social services finds for him.

The man - Stuart Shorter - treasures his on-the-street social network in England. They share his values. He feels safe with them. Should that mindset be labeled "Civilization and Its Discontents," a title borrowed from Sigmund Freud?

Another bestseller about a relative form of homeless "The Stranger in the Woods" by Michael Finkel. It's a true story about Christopher Knight who pulled off living in a kind of tarp in Maine for 27 years. He had no job, no human companionship, no sophisticated technology. 

Anyone who has done volunteer work with the homeless understands that the members of the category are not a monolith. They represent a variety of value systems. Also, some of them feel proud of their own individual solutions to survive the harsh life both on-the-street and in shelters.

For about three years I collected day-old bread products from supermarkets to bring to homeless facilities. At those, even the staff were interesting characters, marching to a non-middle-class drummer.

As a member of condo board on the Gold Coast of Connecticut I had to help the owners come up with a humane way to halt the sleeping in the lobby chair of a woman who did have her own apartment. Unfortunately, that wound up requiring sustained police monitoring. Some contended "Sleeping Beauty" was mentally ill. I always had a hunch she embraced values we didn't understand. 

And, when traveling abroad in my mid 20s, I wound up in a homeless shelter for women on the East End of London. Their sense of self was often stronger than my own, at least as a bullied graduate student. 

Reflection: "Home" doesn't necessarily mean, as Virginia Woolf hammered, a room of one's own. Here is her book on all that. 

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Transitions - I Would Have Preferred to Pass Up the Growth

Brilliantly, Nicole and Charles play out the dynamics of transition.

That's in "Marriage Story," which is really a film about divorce. 

The meme is that, yes, everything is working nicely until it stops working. Then, human beings get plunged into the pain and possibilities of adjustment and building a platform for what is next.

Currently, both in relationships and professional life, transition is the new normal. That's among the reasons "Marriage Story" resonates with so many.

The need to let go of what had been so very okay begins - how we all remember - when we graduate from college. Even if we are continuing formal education that will be in the more serious, emotionally sterile, highly competitive corridors of law school or graduate degree programs.

The bonds of college cannot hold. Adulthood seems all too hard.

What Baby Boomers didn't expect was that the transitions would continue right into semi-retirement/retirement/reverse retirement.

In the 1980s, we got knocked out of the corporate box through downsizing and technology.

The self-employment option was one we likely never anticipated taking.

Then there were the economic downturns following 9/11 and the worldwide financial crash.

Recovery wasn't evenly spread around in an America that favored youth and digital natives.

Then retirement? Maybe not for long. The Federal Reserve documents one-third of those who left the workforce have bounced back in. That even has a title: reverse retirement.

Of course, the generations following the Baby Boomers all had and are having their own kinds of transitions. And, for all it seems to be a bitch. Consider the epidemics of clinical depression, substance abuse, and suicide. 

The rah-rah crowd clucks about the growth achieved through transition. "Marriage Story" questions that kind of extreme optimism.

How some of us yearn for the whatever it takes to live the lifestyle of real-life character Christopher Knight. It was essentially transition-free.

In "The Stranger in the Woods," Michael Finkel captures the tale of 27 years living in the woods of Maine, without job, any human companionship, and sophisticated technology. In the single-minded focus on survival, Knight encountered few transitions. And even those few could be anticipated, such as the summer crowd leaving and that source of the food he would pillage cut off.   

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Economic Refugees - Don't Get Yourself into a "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel" Pickle

According to the Social Security Administration, the number of retirees receiving their monthly checks outside the U.S. zoomed up 40% between 2007 and 2017. And the media such as CBS calls those on the receiving end around the world "economic refugees."

Like all refugees, they fled their roots to find a better kind of life.

But instead of coming to the U.S. as so many from Europe did in the early 20th century, they are heading out of the U.S. to low-cost nations such as Ecuador and Mexico. 

Many of those suffered investment reversals, especially during The Crash of 2008. Others just have had with hustling. They don't want to chase after part-time jobs and gig work after they finish up their official careers. Then there are those who have had it with American values. Yes, they can truly re-start their lives without the pressure of having to be wealthy - or, at least appearing that way. 

The best way to navigate this decision is to use vacations from work to travel to those distant places.

Reading about it isn't enough. The film "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel" made that point. Brits who outlived their assets travel to a retirement center in India - without having visited it before. It's an unfinished edifice. 

More common is the disappointment that routine tasks of life, such as fixing broken plumbing, aren't done on U.S. time. Those who are supposed to do the work often don't have a sense of urgency. So, those expecting the kind of service typical in America become unhinged. 

That shouldn't surprise. Even a domestic move from the New York Metro area to the American Midwest usually requires toning down The New York. Otherwise the retiree is going to wind up isolated.

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