Over-50

Wrong Mindset: Envisioning Replicating Earlier Success After Stumbling

The media outlets did a fast pivot.

At the time of Prince Philip's death and funeral they were focusing on how Harry essentially had been driven out the royal family and business. He would be toast. But, no, we should not cry for Harry. The designated person we must cry for was the Queen. 

Now, news organizations like Daily Mail are highlighting Harry's new identity: American rock star. Yes, he could make it all the way  like those other British imports - the Beatles and the Rolling Stones. There he was on center stage at Vax Live, with J-Lo and Selena Gomez. 

Meanwhile, the media centers have embraced speculation that the royal institution is finished. It is bound, goes the narrative, to collapse after Queen Elizabeth dies. If not sooner. 

The career lesson in all this is obvious: Take risks. Including bold ones. 

When Harry began gravitating away from the royal ethos no one, probably including he himself, could predict how the risk-of-the-century would pan out. 

The takeaway is that he stuck with it. There was the unambigous message that he was not turning back to what had been. 

New entrepreneurs who leave their big corporate jobs, lawyers who exit brandname law firms and recent freelancers like Paul Chaney who don't seek another "good job" embrace the ethos that there is no going back. If their plan derails they will put together another one which continues to move them away from the past.

The major mindset mistake I observe in professionals who stumble is the longing to replicate a part of their career which had been successful. That is, their focus is on the past, not opportunities in the present. Where they wind up is stuck. 

Small changes can trigger big success in your career and your business communications. Swing by for a complimentary consultation (janegenova374@gmail.com)

 

 

William and Harry, Kevin and Randall, Jane Genova and Anne Murga-Ring

The Queen has ordered that Princes William and Harry be separated behind Prince Philip's coffin. Therefore, it doesn't seem like the two brothers have made much progress in resolving the conflicts which have divided them. 

And there is hardly enough research on sibling rivalry to help those who want to help the brothers patch things up. "Dateline" should make it a mission to scout up stories about sibling-based crimes. All that deconstruction of the-husband-did-it has gotten old. And James Patterson owes us a mystery on sibling-on-sibling wrongdoing.

This week on "This Is Us," brothers Kevin and Randall did verbal combat. An added dimension to the shadow over their relationship is race. Kevin is white. Randall, who was adopted, is black. By the end of the episode, some of the tension had been defused. But it's doubtful the two will become close again.

I'm equally pessimisstic about the 18-year fissure with the last of my family members: my sister Anne Murga-Ring. Our last conversation had been November 2003. And the last update I had about her was several months ago through her former husband Victor Murga.

I never met her current husband Scott Ring. That's sad. He had been the publisher of the Jersey Journal, the platform for news in Anne's and my hometown Jersey City, New Jersey. My childhood fantasy had been to write for that newspaper. Instead I went the way of Don Draper on "Mad Men" and looped into marketing communications. 

It's unfortunate that many therapists don't focus on our siblings. The backgrounding is usually done based on parents. However, most of our growing-up is through interactions with those siblings. After parents die, siblings represent the only vestige of what we traditionally consider "family."

With so much social change disrupting American life, our whole notion of family could become undone. Siblings could be acknowledged as a potentially dark force.

Small changes can trigger big success in your career and your business communications. Swing by for a complimentary consultation (janegenova374@gmail.com)

 

Semiretired - Your Ego Is Getting Bashed

Both for income and to remain busy, you are opting for semiretirement.

That is, you will continue to work. That might not necessarily be on your old career path.

As ProPublica documented, the odds are that you were forced out of your career job sooner than you expected. If you were fortunate enough to land another job, only one in 10 of you is being paid comparable compensation. 

If you remain doing assignments in what you know best, they might not be the high-profile plum kinds of you have tackled at the peak of your career.

If you opt out of pursuing work where your core competence had been, then you will not be a brandname in that niche or niches. But it's money and that can help you not to dip into savings and investments to make ends meet and simultaneously enjoy a bit of the good life.

The result usually is a blow to your ego. Many of the semiretired I coach confide the difficulty they are experiencing transitioning from being a player to simply a worker among workers. 

No fools, they are quite aware that they do have work, some of it may be well-paying. However, often there is deep pain at the loss of name recognition, influence and being in high demand.

Those feelings are real. But it is possible to exit what had been the comfort zone for 30 or 40 years to a new mindset and set of behaviors. Joy in work and perhaps greater joy in life are possible. Here you can download a guide on that - free. 

That begins with gratitude for what you have. And shaking off the preoccupation with what you have lost. Yes, semiretirement involves giving up the goals that have dominated a professional's journey perhaps since high school. There is no way around it: The game is different.

In his seminal book "Necessary Endings," executive coach Henry Cloud hammers how destructive it is not to be able to let go of what is no longer a fit. Essentially, the result is being stuck. And the stuck get more and more stuck. There is a real possibility that eventually they can't extricate themselves from that break with reality.

The next step in managing semiretirement joyfully is to leverage creativity. On professional network LinkedIn there are a number of those over-65 who have put together a fresh persona and sandbox of expertise to play in. That not only has attracted a following. That has brought in work.

For example a former government middle manager has developed a humor column. A former full-time college professor of exposition has created a detailed how-to on everything from points of grammar to being more concise. 

A third is to apply for assignments which represent a stretch. You probably will find you can do it. That opens the door to more work. Also, you will have the wild joy of learning something new. Along the way you might becoming certified in that field. 

Semiretirement entails understanding a new approach to earning income. Once you get that down cold you can begin each of work day with a kind of enthusiasm and freedom you may never have experienced along your traditional career path.

Also a free download is my book on breaking into the labor market that tends to be biased against age Download Outwitting ageism.

If you still are struggling with this transition, I am here for you.

Small changes can trigger big success in your career and your business communications. Swing by for a complimentary consultation (janegenova374@gmail.com)

 

Opportunity - SmirkSmirk

In influential Law.com, Jason Grant posts this headline:

"With Retroactive 2-Year Suspension, Did Court 'Underplay' Gordon Caplan's Wrongdoing?"

Prior to the announcement of a suspension versus losing his law licence, many assumed this former chair of Willie Faar was finished. Those from a liberal arts background might have attributed his wrongdoing to hubris. That white-shoe lawyer had designated himself as "special." He could play around with the way the college admission process usually is conducted - at least for the rest of us.

Then, there was the new that he got off the hook. He really did. Meanwhile so many other lawyers who took ethical shortcuts or had been convicted of a felony are permanently disbarred. Like Caplan, they had served time in prison. I had coached several of them. They were struggling after release from incarceration. They had to put together another way to earn a living. Their extreme angst was palpable. 

Obviously, in this era when we are questioning inequities created by wealth, elite education and job titles the focus on Caplan will increase.

The court of public opinion could decide just what kind of career he will be able to return to. Users of legal services might say "no" to having him in the loop. In the legal sector he could be treated as a pariah. His crime - considering he was not like the rest of us - could be declared as unforgivable. 

Nerves are raw about special treatment. Opportunity seems circumscribed. Making ends meet increasingly requires more than one job. 

Some of us might decide it's our moral responsiblity to push back on this version of "justice."

Small changes can trigger big success in your career and your business communications. Swing by for a complimentary consultation (janegenova374@gmail.com)

Are You Doing a Serena Williams?

"Once again, Serena Williams came within reach of a record-tying 24th Grand Slam singles title, playing well enough to get to the closing days of a major tournament. And once again, Williams couldn't quite get it done — beaten 6-3, 6-4 by Naomi Osaka in the Australian Open semifinals on Thursday (Wednesday night EST)." - CBS News, February 18, 2021.

The world changes. The game changes. Upstarts struggle to become the new stars. We change. Yes, aging also happens,

Yet, the usual tragedy of fierce careerists is that we ignore all that. We decide to not to let go. 

In his breakthrough book "The Hero's Farewell," Jeffrey Sonnenfeld analyzed that syndrome. 

In my coaching of the over-50 the presenting problem is always: They no longer have what it takes to dominate their field. Usually it's a mix of decline in energy level, new forms of competition, inability to keep up with change and loss of creativity. 

One solution is a pivot to another phase of a career. The one-time innovation genius in communications can shift to administration or university teaching. Eventually Don Draper of "Mad Men" would probably have had to be the front man for a major advertising agency versus the hands-on Idea Guy.

Williams has many such options. They range from becoming a world-class coach to fundraising for the sport.

But, she may or may not have that moment of clarity: That part of my professional life may be over. And even if she has it, she may not surrender to that reality.

Instead of struggling to hang in there, there could be fresh kinds of success opening up. That happens through a willingness to discover another niche or a whole new vocation.

The Future is already underway. Ghostwriting/Marketing Communications and coaching on those issues. Sliding scale fees. Complimentary consultation (janegenova374@gmail.com)

Hell, Sell the House Now in Boom Market

As a career coach specializing in the over-50 I hear the regret all the time: We should have sold the house when the market was on fire. And rented until we were ready to retire and relocate where the cost of living was lower. Now we are stuck with a house whose upkeep is draining us and market value won't net us much.

Yet, some heading into retirement are still asking the experts such as at MarketWatch what they should do. Sell or wait.

The answer is: Sell.

During a real estate bubble, I made a killing on my house in West Hartford, Connecticut. I used the proceeds to pay off debt. That allowed me to have a fresh start in launching businesses. Also, I was freed up to move closer to Manhattan where I needed to be for my new enterprises.

My next door neighbor didn't opt for selling. He waited until he retired from his production job. That was too late. He was stuck in his house. Incidentally, he never did sell it. Both he and his wife died before the market bounced back. When it did it wasn't at the level of the earlier boom. His two children wound up with real esate that was expensive for them to maintain.

The Future is already underway. Ghostwriting/Marketing Communications and coaching on those issues. Sliding scale fees. Complimentary consultation (janegenova374@gmail.com)

Addiction and the 65 and Over - Triggered By Boredom, Relocation, Insomnia, Family Dysfunction, Health Challenges

The phenomenon of growing addiction among the aging should have been predicable.

After all, once they let go of work or are frustrated by the inability to find jobs, they can become bored. And seek release through substances or return to that habit they shook off during their careers. Other triggers, notes American Addiction Centers, include a relocation, insomnia, family disputes and mental/physical problems.

According to a recent report by Deborah Steinberg and Ellen Weber for the Legal Action Center, the ones 65 and over who become addicted number about 1.2 million. 

But, based on 2019 statistics, only 284,000 received treatment.

The primary reason for that low percentage is that Medicare and Medicare Advantage plans (common supplement to Medicare coverage) don't have provisions for freestanding outplacement treatment. The intensive version of that could bill at $7,000.  

Sure, goes the conventional wisdom, they can embrace the Alcoholic Anonymous 12-step program. It's free. It's welcoming. It's based on peer support.

However, the American Addiction Centers puts the success rate at between 8% and 12%. Back in 2015, The Atlantic published a major article by Gabrielle Glaser critical of AA.

Among the solutions suggested is that Congress expand the scope of the Mental Health and Addiction Equity Act. If the 65 and over had just been a few years younger they would be eligible to take advantage of that law.

Meanwhile, the direct and side effects of addiction currently constitute a core health problem of the aging.

The Future is already underway. Ghostwriting/Marketing Communications and coaching on those issues. Sliding scale fees. Complimentary consultation (janegenova374@gmail.com)

Novelist Isabel Alende, "I've Never Been Scared of Being Alone."

The state of being stuck frequently is rooted in the angst about spending the over-50 years alone. So, there is a hesitancy about divorcing. Or there can be a looping into frantic dating.

It's expected that we aging will hold on for dear life to a social network. When I relocated from the New York Metro area to Tucson, Arizona, the always-question had been: Whom do you have here? The irony is that the only person I knew in Tucson had been college acquaintance Kathleen Huebner. That blew up in about 30 days. 

A profile in courage is Chilean novelist Isabel Alende. She tells The Guardian, "I've never been scared of being alone." In fact, she separated from her husband at age 72. Later she did marry again but that was never a goal. 

The raw social reality is that it's increasingly difficult to make a new close friend after age-40. Unlike all the free time we had in college, we get too busy. Work eats more and more of our life. So do family obligation. Also disappointments and betrayals pile up. We are slower to trust. 

So, the odds are that we will be alone as we age. But the good news is that there are those who are managing to navigate the medical, legal and financial mazes without significant others. My last family tie had been my younger sister Anne Murga-Ring. We haven't spoken since November 2003. My parents and older sister had died relatively young. Romance wasn't in the cards for me, not after my early 60s. 

Experiencing joy during a lifestyle of living alone is not only possible. It can be the accomplishment of a lifetime. 

The Future is already underway. Ghostwriting/Marketing Communications and coaching on those issues. Sliding scale fees. Complimentary consultation (janegenova374@gmail.com)

Kathleen Huebner - How That Monster of a Mistake Happened

Over and over again, those I career-coach blurt out that they are lonely. They ask advice on how they can loop into the kinds of close friendships they had had in high school and/or college. 

So, I researched why it is universally difficult to establish intimate relationships as we age. As The New York Times article hammers, that kind of bonding requires three things:

Proximity - As in college, there usually must be a large pool of people you can try out developing relationships with. Yet, our world shrinks as we get older. 

Repeated Unplanned encounters - Life can harden into routine and preventing too much newness. Yes, we settle in our ways. And build our systems to keep it that way.

Setting that allows you to shake off your wariness and confide - However, a history of disappointments and betrayals in relationships make us wary of being open. Instead, we get down the persona which makes us appear to be open. But we really have become closed systems. By age 40, you probably have set up a relational moat around your lives, stocked it with alligators, and kept the drawbridge down most of the time. 

After the research and giving clients some tips about how to increase the odds of developing at least one close friend, I was able to connect the dots on my own traumatic encounter with former college acquaintance Kathleen Huebner. We hadn't been in touch since the 1970s, when we were both pursuing our careers in  Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

My mistake: I was engaged in magical thinking that I could transform that little bit of a relationship from decades ago into a platform for what authentic friendship can offer. Like my clients, I was experiencing the need to bond. Work was no longer enough. 

After the Polar Vortex of 2014, another increase in rent coming and sky-high auto insurance, I got it that it would be smart to uproot from the New York Metro area. After all, my two businesses were increasing virtual. Go somewhere warm and and where a decent standard of living would be lower cost. To wrap my head around that massive initiative I had to figure out how to do in an exotic, adventurous way.

So, southwestern Arizona it was.

I had ruled out Florida where my estranged sister Anne Murga-Ring had relocated. Only for about 90 seconds did I have the illusion that we could repair the broken parts of sibling relationships.

The Carolinas seemed too tame.

Mexico and Ecuador would require too much of an adjustment.

Other classmates from college, perhaps also lonely, had somehow looped me onto their Facebook pages. There I found out that Huebner resided in AZ. I assumed that I had struck gold. I would have a friend when my dog and I arrived in Tucson, AZ. 

Wrong. Tragically so.

From the get-go, when I treated Huebner to lunch at her retirement community in Oro Valley, AZ, it was an interactional disaster.

I experienced the conversations as puzzling. Alienating.

My gut (psychics tell me that I am psychic) flagged me: There is something very wrong with this picture. 

Within about 30 days of our first encounter during that doomed lunch I had taken this step. For Memorial Day weekend, my nemesis had sent me one of those cute e-cards. My response: Bug off, positioned and packaged as the language of civility.

Since then I have embraced that the odds are against circling back to the warm and fuzzy stuff of your youth when so many seemed to care deeply about our well-being: parents, siblings, teachers, classmates and even employers at our part-time jobs. However, I can move the dial closer to re-creating those kinds of bonds by:

Being out there more, even in COVID times

Changing my routines

Taking the leap into trust.

"At our age" the level of support we receive tends to lessen. But it can still be created and nurtured. Currently, I have several on my social network whom I can reach out to during the best and worst of times. That took blowing up my assumptions about how friendship should be. Actually, what a friendship is about keeps mutating for all generations, not only the Ok, Boomer.

The Future is already underway. Ghostwriting/Marketing Communications and coaching on those issues. Sliding scale fees. Complimentary consultation (janegenova374@gmail.com)

 

COVID Troubles - Do We Really Give a Damn about Woody Allen and Mia Farrow?

With a pile-on of investigative reporting, HBO is taking a fresh look at the infamous legal and media battles between one-time lovers and professional colleagues Woody Allen and Mia Farrow. The documentary is "Allen v Farrow."

Some may be still interested in finding out new information about a family feud. Others may just roll their eyes.

What is surprising in that legal and media clash of the titans is that there hadn't been a murder. Or a murder suicide. We are well-schooled by pop culture television true-crime presentations to anticipate that strong passions in a souring romantic relationship frequently trigger those high-profile homicides or worse. 

Had things gotten to that kind of actual physical violence in the Allen and Farrow saga, this story could have been featured on "Dateline." It is there generations of fans for that series learned the spouse usually did it. And despite everything appearing rosy, there had been signs of the eventual unraveling.

Currently, HBO is promoting the documentary. But only time will tell if there remains interest in that melodrama. We all have so many of our own troubles during COVID times.

The Future is already underway. Ghostwriting/Marketing Communications and coaching on those issues. Sliding scale fees. Complimentary consultation (janegenova374@gmail.com)