Over-50

Rebuilding a Life - Elizabeth Kendall, After She Discovered Her Lover Ted Bundy Was a Serial Killer

Shock.

Relief she and her daughter Molly hadn't been murdered.

Grief of a love affair that was over - or maybe never really existed.

Mystery why she hadn't connected the dots. 

All those were emotions that Elizabeth Kendall felt and probably still feels when she reflects on her long-term romance with Ted Bundy.

Last night ABC's "20/20" looked into her heart. Her daughter was on the set with her. Both were grateful they were alive but shared the pain of the parents whose daughters weren't. Those daughters had been murdered by Bundy.

Molly was her daughter from any earlier relationship. She had met Bundy as a single mom. 

At the end of the two-hour show, Elizabeth finally got to the issue of rebuilding her life. Once there was no question that Bundy was a prolific and clever serial killer, she had to parachute out of denial into reality.

At first she started drinking. That, she conjectured, probably saved her life. Then, to her surprise, she discovered that she could put something new together. Both she and Molly did that. Their advice to the parents of the murdered women is that they too can rebuild. It's slow. It's hard but it is not impossible. 

In 2003, I had to start on my own rebuilding. I was over-50. I had that brutal Ah-Ha Moment: Yes, my nest egg, my communications boutique, and my minds were all gone.

It's 2020. Finally there is something solid.

Fortunately, I didn't know it would take me so long and involve such pain. Sometimes, in my coaching, I can help others grab onto enough hope to be able to start rebuilding. That's the gift I can pass on from my own suffering.

Coaching, lecturing, and writing/ghostwriting thought leadership content on human resources and careers.

For individual coaching – sliding scale fees. Complimentary initial consultation. The special area of expertise is the displaced over-50 professional. Please contact Jane Genova janegenova374@gmail.com.

 

Storytelling Not Only about The Great Depression - Also, We Boomers Heard Lots about Spanish Flu

Television was a new medium. Families were afraid of too much of it. Also, there was not a whole lot of programming and what was available shut down late at night.

So, storytelling still provided a major entertainment in the homes of us Baby Boomers.

Of course, The Great Depression generated myriad anecdotes. Our favorite was my mother's skit about how the floor supervisor's face fell when she told her she was quitting. And gave no reason. In those days females usually left the workforce when they became pregnant.

But along with making it through hard times without being destroyed, there were the chronicles about the Spanish Flu.

The family called it "influenza." And the experience wasn't abstract. My grandmother had been a victim. She was expected to die. Death was no stranger to that family of eight. During their infancy two boys had died.

Family members were selfless back then. So all pitched in to take care of her, not protecting themselves. But none had become infected.

Medical doctors were also selfless. One made it up three flights of stairs in the Bay Street, Jersey City, New Jersey tenement. He didn't become infected either. 

Those stories of survival were recounted with pride, not self-pity or fear of what could be the next shoe to drop. Yes, it was a different time.

Reflection: Some speculate the coronavirus could be "Another Spanish Flu." I heard enough about that suffering to steer clear of plane travel. Unlike my family, I am afraid of this shoe which could drop. 

Smart global ghostwriting, with SEO and social networking know-how. Emergencies welcome. Complimentary consultation (pressure-free) janegenova374@gmail.com.

 

Happy Birthday, Betty White

Role model of sustainability for all workers, Betty White has turned 98.

In addition, she has become the pragmatist about navigating the aging process. Her meme is: Getting older is not for sissies. 

What White has accomplished is positioning and packaging aging as a predicted rite of passage. It's like going to college is today and getting married was for Ok, Boomer.

All rites of passage are tough. As the movie "The Graduate" hammered, moving on from life-as-classroom to life-as-life is filled with uncertainty. After the Ok, Boomer received the college degree the journey forward was filled with nervous breakdowns, financial peril, and, yes, great success in the surging post-war economy. Many also realized they married too young. Divorce went mainstream. Their offspring had parachuted into therapy. 

This ritual also has no personal precedents. Ok, Boomer (along with members of the Silent Generation) is out here both struggling to find joy and getting it that he or she is going to die. Maybe soon. 

White has been there holding up the light of endurance to make that journey less scary.

Coaching, lecturing, and writing/ghostwriting thought leadership content on human resources and careers.

For individual coaching – sliding scale fees. Complimentary initial consultation. The special area of expertise is the displaced over-50 professional. Please contact Jane Genova janegenova374@gmail.com.

 

Richard Pryor - The Pain/Rage White Ok, Boomer Couldn't Touch (often not even in therapy)

The ABC special on Richard Pryor hammered his pain and rage. His family of origin was a "mess."

He endured and tried to channel into comedy what the white Ok, Boomer usually couldn't touch. Not even in therapy. Ironically, we were the first therapy generation.

How could we, the first gen to be able to attend college, admit how really bad it had been? Not allowed. Even the counterculture didn't open the door to embracing the pain and bellying up to the rage.

Instead we found work. How successful we, many from blue-collar backgrounds, had become in white collar career paths.

Now, of course, we who had been our work are struggling with a new kind of pain: fading professional identity. Not that we are "done." We are just no longer at the top of our game. We have to go on with the rest of our lives being ordinary. Extraordinary held the rage down.

Will Ok, Boomer break out in self-destruction as had Pryor? Already it's happening. In our age category, boozing is up. Suicide makes sense. 

Another option. Give touching the pain another try. Meditation can relax us enough to calm down and sit in the past.

Coaching, lecturing, and writing/ghostwriting thought leadership content on human resources and careers.

For individual coaching – sliding scale fees. Complimentary initial consultation. The special area of expertise is the displaced over-50 professional. Please contact Jane Genova janegenova374@gmail.com.

 

Feelings, So Ok, Boomer - Bring on the Lawyers

It had to come to this: Psychologists are analyzing Harry, who at this time is still a prince but maybe not for long. Here's an example from Daily Mail.

The story is too big - the biggest in the UK since the abdication of King Edward VIII - not to parachute in all forms of expertise. 

But the input from psychologists could be the weakest link in providing insight for the scope of this disruption. After all, the discipline of psychology as a form of treatment for distressed human beings has declined from the heyday of Freudianism.

The Ok, Boomer such as myself invested years, multiple times a week, seeking clarity and inner peace from psychotherapists like David W. Harder, Ph.D.

That was then. 

Now, in America the Litigious, we know we can turn to lawyers.

"Court TV" has tutored us in the language of law, the strongest points of law, and the rules of evidence.

We can belly up to the bar feeling confident about pitching our beef to a law firm to take on contingency.

 In addition to seeking justice, plaintiffs can enjoy a high profile in the media. The classic example is Gretchen Carlson who sued Fox News creator Roger Ailes personally.

Since legal action is a slow-mover, that spotlight can linger a long time.

Incidentally, Carlson continues to be covered by the media. Meanwhile, what a good feeling is correlated with seeking what's right via America's legal system.

Also, along the way came Prozac, et al. from BigPharma. There were also mindfulness, executive coaches, 12-step programs, and psychics. 

During that brief moment when psychologists made it their shot at fame to size up Donald Trump, so many smirked. Who really gave a damn (except the writers and producers of shows like "Criminal Minds") how those inner gears operated. What we paid attention to were what the lawyers were up to. This was so much so that some contend that triggered the surge of applications to law schools.  

Prediction: The lawyers on both sides of the ocean will provide the perspective on Megxit and its implications. 

 

Smart global ghostwriting, with niche social networking know-how. Also communications coaching. Emergencies welcome. Complimentary consultation (pressure-free) janegenova374@gmail.com.

Meltdowns Lite - No-cost or Low-cost Options to Pricey Psychotherapy

Boston, the city of psychotherapists, is still stuck with the stigma against this formal mode of treatment for emotional distress and more.

In Boston Magazine, Tessa Yannone covers that.

That's unfortunate.

The Boston Metro area is the setting for so many high-powered careers. It is jam-packed with elite educational institutions. Those usually nurture an almost infinite variety of, what they call on "Criminal Minds," "stressors." 

Having on your "record" that you have been in psychotherapy can prove to be a flaming hoop you will have to jump through in some lines of work or to be admitted to some educational programs. After all, the misfit Puritans, who founded this mighty economy, didn't tolerate such vulnerabilities. Our nation really can't shake that off.  

In addition, although studies prove out that psychotherapy is effective, that doesn't mean it will be for you. There are so many variables at play.

I don't know if my three years of therapy, multiple times a week, and later on an intermittent basis with David W. Harder, Ph.D., based in Lincoln, Massachusetts, were or were not effective. Reconstructing the past is tricky business.

What I do know is that from the get-go, I should have demanded to have access to what he was putting in the clinical records. When I finally had a lawyer obtain those records I concluded, by the tone and content, we were not a good fit.

In therapy, as in just about every other aspect of life and work, fit is everything. If your insurance coverage involves managed care, you may have limited or no choice on the therapist you will be working with. You may or may not be able to interview, on a complimentary basis, several. 

Also, there's the cost of therapy. In college, graduate programs, and professional schools, that could be absorbed in other prepaid fees. Once sprung into the real world of work, if your employer kicks in for your health insurance, the co-pay can eat into a budget. There even could be double-dipping. There could be a co-pay for the psychiatrist who's prescribing medication and also for the psychotherapist. No health insurance? A session could run three digits.

The good news is that there are no-cost or low-cost alternates to therapy. That doesn't mean they are appropriate for you at whatever phase of emotional distress you are at. If you feel you are becoming undone, those in the mental health field worth their salt mandate: Call 911.

But, if you have a hunch you can try other ways to navigate the whatevers, here are 8 tips.

Free, 24/7 confidential hotlines. Several of my clients who had lost jobs obtained immediate relief - and hope - by speaking with the trained human beings at the other end of the phone line at The Samaritans. In the U.S. the number is 212-673-3000. No, you don't have to be suicidal to contact those capable of deep listening. Sensing you are going through emotional distress is enough. Just let them know that's how you are feeling. Globally, through Befrienders Wordwide, there is also help.

Meditation. Research and experience indicate this is a useful way to calm the "monkey mind." Here is a free online video introduction to the basics by American Buddhist nun Pema Chodron. While meditating in a group can seem to increase its impact, there is no reason why a daily practice can't be done alone - any where - multiple times a day. Yes, before pitching to a key prospect, meditate. 

Exercise. Working out isn't just for body contours and a healthy heart. It's a natural remedy for clinical depression and anxiety. The trick is to incorporate it into a daily routine. Do that and the body will hunger for that kind of ritual.

A trusted friend 0r Fido. Those in the mental health field who understand healing will tell you that a close friend who knows how to listen and to maintain confidentiality can be SuperTherapist. The edge that person has is knowing what you're about. Other options can be the sponsor in a 12-step program, a stranger on the seat next to you during a plane flight/Amtrak trip, or your dog. Regarding the latter, because the four-leggers in your life are empathetic and non-judgmental, they can provide solid platforms back to hope.

Herbs et al. Bless the internet. You no longer need to purchase a book on what non-prescription substances can be effective. Here, for example, is a run-down of them. Some contend any effectiveness results from the placebo effect. The attitude of those who receive relief smirk and respond, "Bring it on." All forms of mental distress cause pain. Whatever reduces that could be worth experimenting with. Many of the natural treatments do not have the possible severe side effects of a number of prescription remedies.

Spirituality. Very different from formal kinds of religion, spirituality essentially entails a surrender to some force greater than yourself. That takes the burden off you for controlling every aspect of your life and work. You can get out of the driver's seat. No longer do you have to be hyperalert and compulsively focused on goals. Incidentally, this kind of "turning over" is the core of the Alcoholics Anonymous approach to sobriety. The joke there is: Being in charge of the universe is a big job and we're not getting paid for it. 

Psychics. Those with the powers to "read" a suffering human being are being embraced as the new therapists. Lawyers, listen up: To protect themselves from  lawsuits, most post the disclaimer that their services are for entertainment only. However, there is usually extreme earnestness in the encounters between them and those who reach out to them in-person, by phone, or through email. Their methodologies range from pure intuition to tarot cards to crystals. As with myriad other services, this field has its share of cons. It's necessary to ask around for a "legit." 

Coaches. More and more professionals are simply hiring coaches instead of interviewing therapists. Coaches are usually specialized. Those niches range from overall life to career. Most will provide short complimentary sessions for you to check out the chemistry. Since there is no stigma, this could be what to try first. Over the holidays, an underemployed 63-year-old came to me for help with getting more work. What we decided was her immediate need was for a life coach. 

What's labeled as "mental illness" could simply mean hitting the mid point of the continuum of stress. You could be heading toward impairment of the ability to function. So, if you perceive yourself as gravitating out of what's today's norm for stress, take action. That could be the now-traditional way of finding out what kind of therapy your medical insurance covers to lighting a candle and turning over your will to something bigger than you. Should you sense you are in crisis, call 911.

Coaching, lecturing, and writing/ghostwriting thought leadership content on human resources and careers.

For individual coaching – sliding scale fees. Complimentary initial consultation. The special area of expertise is the displaced over-50 professional. Please contact Jane Genova janegenova374@gmail.com.

Tony Soprano - No Jim Anderson

The Rhode Island Supreme Court tossed the class action lead paint public nuisance long-running lawsuit. Here are details from Anthony J. Sebok.

The lawyers, including those from Jones Day, and the defendants, including Sherwin-Williams, were mighty pleased. But no one, especially the lawyers, considered that - or outcomes in most pieces of litigation - a happy ending. 

In Santa Clara, California, there was pending another class action lead paint public nuisance lawsuit. For that there would be catastrophe. Not only did Sherwin-Williams et al. lose. Soon enough, as expected, there were copycats lawsuits in Pennsylvania. 

Meanwhile, Sherwin-Williams had to pony up legal costs. Along the way, at least in some circles, its brand took a hit.

But only rather recently is America, the new land filled with opportunity, coming to embrace that there are no happy endings. After all, the inhabitants of this New Canaan will eventually all die. Wealth, power, influence, good looks - none of those can be negotiated for an exception. 

In pop culture, especially all versions of the medium of what's broadly classified as "television," sophisticated - that is, lucrative - programming now has darkness hovering over.

That's very different from the happy ending of every episode of early television. In "Father Knows Best," Jim Anderson solves all emotional boo-boos around the dinner table before the last commercial. Lassie always came home."Perry Mason" ensured justice was done.

In contrast, "The Sopranos" ends in ambiguity and "Breaking Bad" brings insight to Walter White too late.

In the popular "A Million Little Things," as cancer survivor Maggie evolves the relationship with Gary goes kaput and saving the Katherine-Eddie marriage entails war on D. 

And we are sufficiently skeptical about human nature to wonder if, during the last season of "Criminal Minds," David Rossi can hold his marriage together. 

It's so obvious: Human beings are, as William Shakespeare put it, "cankered in the grain." A long successful career in criminal law has helped target Alan Dershowitz. He is fighting for his brand and legacy, including with his book "Guilt by Accusation." Here is my article published on that.

I had been managing communications for a lawyer considering a lateral. "You are exchanging one set of problems for another set. The latter may or may not be less stressful to manage." She stayed put.

Overall, happy endings could go the way of the low-IQ phone. We were entering the era of Post-Christianity. That optimistic ideology is flickering out. Even Pope Francis, in his Christmas message, warned that around the world acceptance of Jesus Christ as savior is declining. 

The genius of 20th century dramatist Eugene O'Neill was that he gave his plays no happy endings.  Audiences were thrown off their belief game - and came back for more.

When I was shaken out of the Catholic school-girlish notion (including a women's Catholic college) about the goodness of mankind, my two businesses had a comeback. 

Smart global ghostwriting, with social networking know-know. Emergencies welcome. Complimentary consultation (pressure-free) janegenova374@gmail.com.

Network TV's Golden Age Will Die Off With Us Baby Boomers

It's the end of an era: Free network TV.

Network TV no longer matters to those doing the judging of the Golden Globes: the Hollywood Foreign Press Association.

None of the major categories nominated for awards were from network TV. Instead they were for productions via streaming or cable. Here are more details from the New York Post.

Of course, network TV was never really free. The price paid was enduring the commercials. Some of those, as the SuperBowl pounded, were truly entertaining or served the public interest. Most, especially about skin diseases and belly fat, seemed in downright bad taste. 

Network TV has had a good run.

In fact, it even had a Golden Age. Programming ranging from "Ed Sullivan" (remember Elvis and the Beatles) to Hallmark Television Playhouse provided quality entertainment and the unique window on the world. However, their legacy dies with baby boomers. 

Now, even the heavy hitters such as producer Dick Wolf (creator of the "Law & Order" franchise) seem to be running low on creativity. His "Law & Order SVU" is strained. And what saves his Wednesday Chicago series is the complex personality and personal warmth on "Chicago Med" of psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Charles. 

The new greats, and they will have a long half life, come from cable such as HBO's "The Sopranos" and AMC's "Breaking Bad."

Prediction: As network TV continues to lose relevance, there will be more and more scandals at ABC, CBS, and NBC. And, not only the sexual misconduct kind. Expect lawsuits about the deliberate infliction of emotional abuse and age bias. Lawyers should be hovering over, like vultures. 

Smart global ghostwriting, with social networking know-know. Emergencies welcome. Complimentary consultation (pressure-free) janegenova374@gmail.com.

Sometimes Business and Aging Just Don't Mix Well

The term "discrimination" usually brings up images of mean-spirited decision-makers.

But, the bias, if it really exists, could be from simple business reasons.  That's the real issue: the overall values of business. 

In an article in the LA Times, there are presented allegations of age discrimination at CBS-owned television stations. Yes, the EEOC has investigated. So, there could be something to those clams. 

However, if age bias exists the reasons why may be based on the needs of the business. They may have nothing to do with antipathy toward older workers. Or, how older anchors appear on-air. 

For example, because the media landscape has changed, those television stations are no longer as profitable as they had been. Those earning top salary are targeted. And those are usually older employees who moved up the food chain to the big money.

The stations can replace them with those willing to accept much less. The same pattern is being played out in other forms of media such as publications. The memoir "Disrupted" by Dan Lyons chronicles being tossed out of Newsweek at age 50-something. 

In addition, the brutal reality is that advertisers demand viewers in the 18 to 45 demographic. That kind of audience, in turn, bonds with those their own age. So, the older anchor becomes vulnerable. Soon enough, those aging on-air personalities are gone.

Not that any of this seems ethical. It just doesn't smell right. 

But that's the way it is.

Yes, that's capitalism. No, capitalism isn't pretty.

In fact, the ethos of capitalism is being questioned right now in myriad nations. That probably had been kicked off by the Occupy Wall Street movement.

Harvard Business School has an elective course on reimagining capitalism.

The Business Roundtable pushes for the needs of other stakeholders than just investors to be factored into the operations of a business.

And a meme in the 2020 Election is about embracing aspects of socialism. 

Reflection: Could traditional capitalism be going the way of the low-IQ phone?

Smart global ghostwriting, with social networking know-know. Emergencies welcome. Complimentary consultation (pressure-free) janegenova374@gmail.com.

Loss - That's the Price of Living

Last night on ABC, "20/20" presented a well-done two-hour special on how Beth Holloway has been managing the disappearance of daughter Natalee. 

Like Fred Goldman's loss of his son Ron, the story is archetypal, going way back to the bible.

In "Genesis," Adam and Eve lose son Able to murder. 

And since the beginning of civilization when mankind developed the tools to tell stories, that of parents' losing a child has been an engaging one. More recently, in media times, journalists run with it and it becomes the gift that keeps giving.

However, what lessons do we learn from the continual re-telling of the unthinkable crime: a child vanishes and is assumed dead or is found brutally murdered? 

Her search for answers might have helped Beth.

On the other hand, it might be a point of blockage for creating a new kind of life, one without her daughter. Should members of the media provide the platform for revisiting that?

Fred's sustained agitation doesn't seem reassuring to the many of us out there who also experienced a murder in the family. Or, related to that kind of loss, suicide. Yet, Fred continually resurfaces in the media.

Rather than producing these formulaic templates of crime and obsession which might generate high ratings, journalists might review what they are doing. Out there are many other kinds of sagas.

Those include examples of tragic loss and lessons learned. In fact, that is the format of the speaker meetings at recovery programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous. Those, incidentally, are authentically inspiring. That is, they can motivate the suffering to change how they are living their lives.

Admittedly, as education experts know: There is such an essence as "negative learning." Those lessons provide instruction on what not to do. While experiencing the "20/20" special last night, some of us might have gotten it: Hey, that's no way to embrace how life all too often plays out. 

Why doesn't ABC's Dan Abrams put together a holiday special on all the parents in urban areas throughout the United States who lost children to murder and how they are doing now?

Another needed for "20/20" is pet grief. When pet parents have to say good-bye to their four-legged children, the suffering can be profound.

Smart global ghostwriting, with social networking know-know. Emergencies welcome. Complimentary consultation (pressure-free) janegenova374@gmail.com.